Nothing Else Matters
by DreamOn86
Summary: LucasPeyton future fic. Something terrible happens and its about accepting, moving on, working through it etc...
1. Everything Changes

Yea, I'm new. I got this idea for a fan fic and just decided to write it down. And I kept writing. There will be a lot of flashbacks before the main story comes in. Flashbacks are gonna be italicized.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything related to OTH. Just a future fic of something I've been thinking about and wanted to make it LP related.

March 7th, 2014 everything changed for them. It was the night that not only led to a strain on their relationship, but the night that changed one young mans life forever. It all happened in the blink of an eye.

_It was 7 years ago when they finally made it to the next step. It was their senior year of high school when they finally realized it was now or never._

_It was Spring Break week when he stopped by to see her. He has been broken up with Brooke Davis for the past two months. She broke up with him, and it was only till last month when he finally realized why. At the time he thought it was love, but as he looked back on it he wasn't sure. What was love really? He did fight for her. Sure he cared for her. But that wasn't enough. At least for her it wasn't. When she told him that they were not meant to be he didn't understand. He thought and thought and thought. He felt like an idiot, an oblivious idiot, that he didn't see what as right in front of him. He couldn't think of a single time where he would just call her on the phone just to hear her voice. Or a time where they would talk hours and hours about the craziest things. Or a time where they would have a serious conversation that didn't involve her own insecurities. The last few months they were together it felt like they were miles apart; as if that spark, that connection was lost. Or was there ever that spark at all? It seemed like he always had to reevaluate his relationship with Brooke. It was as if they were always thinking and examining if they loved one another rather than living in the act of love. _

_There was that someone though; that someone who was his rock. The one who was always there. Peyton, Peyton Sawyer was that person for him. Since last summer, he and Peyton had gotten really close. She never held anything back because she knew she didn't have to be anything less or anything more than who she was. He loved her for that. She loved him. But they were just friends. At least that's what he would always convince himself. _

_Walking up the stairs he heard an all too familiar tune, "In my Life". He loved that song. It reminded him of his home: Tree Hill, and Peyton. _

"_Well, well, well getting back to that old Beatles phase I presume"_

_She turned around and smiled at the site of his face. Anytime she would see him; that smile, those eyes, she would just feel complete. _

"_Hey" she said walking to him and giving him a hug. There was something about his hugs; she always felt so secure and comfortable in his arms._

_Even before the break up with Lucas and Brooke, Peyton's feelings for Lucas had resurfaced. It wasn't until a drunken night, a talk in her sleep, and a gun wound before she realized how deep she felt for him. He was always there for her through the moment where she thought she lost her dad, to the death of her birth mom, to even with her break-up with Jake. It was always him._

"_So, what are you doing here?"_

"_Do I ever have a reason?"_

"_No, I guess you don't?" _

"_So, how is your mom?"_

"_Real good. It's kinda cute since she is starting to have a belly."_

"_That is cute"_

"_Yea, I am really excited"_

"_So what do you want? Boy or girl?"_

"_Either one. Doesn't matter as long as it's healthy." They sat down and continued to listen to the mix she made earlier. They talked and talked just like they always did. _

"_You know, I actually need your help with something"_

"_I thought your not here for a reason" she said smiling._

"_Well, I was going to come by no matter what. But I still got to ask for a favor"_

"_What's up?"_

"_I have this really good idea. So my mom is going to this convention in Virginia with Deb for ten days and while she is gone I want to surprise her with a baby room. So what do you think?"_

"_I am impressed Scott. Course I'll help."_

"_Yea?"_

"_Hell, yea. Who you do you think is going to teach your baby brother or sister all the great bands?" he smirked and so did she. _

"_Thanks Peyton" he said. "You're the best" _

_The next week they were planning what they were going to do. They didn't need to buy many things; just paint and a few lamps since they already had most things from when Luke was a baby. Right after his mom left, they went right to work. They worked pretty much every day and every night. After the fifth day they were exhausted. _

"_Want to take a break?"_

"_Yea" she said as they walked to the living room sitting on the couch. He brought two waters. "Thanks. You know Luke?"_

"_Hmm" he said looking right at her. _

"_Keith would be really proud of you" he looked at her and looked away as if he didn't believe her. "I'm serious. I can tell your going to be an amazing brother. You got into NCU. You know what you want to do with you life…Trust me, I know he would be proud." _

"_Thanks Peyton. It really means a lot coming from you" while the conversation stopped their eyes didn't. It was so mesmerizing as if they were having a conversation of their own. It always seemed to happen with those two. He leaned in and kissed her lightly on her lips. Not sure if Luke was just in a vulnerable moment or did he really want to kiss her, she turned her head slightly. _

"_Luke..."_

"_Sorry Peyton. I don't know what came over me" he covered up. "Let's just get back to work." He said getting up. _

"_Lucas" she said and he looked back. "Never mind" she said. She had so much to say but not exactly sure how to say it. Maybe that kiss didn't mean to him what it meant to her. After all he kept saying how the kiss in the library meant nothing at all to him. He stared at her for a second trying to read her eyes. He wanted to know what she was thinking. He didn't know why he kissed her, but he knew how he felt afterwards. In that moment all their history resurfaced. He didn't realize it at the time but it was as if their future was in the palm of his hands at that moment. Should he say he felt something? Should he just bury it? He couldn't make that decision fast enough as Peyton got up from the couch and went to the other room, and just like that the moment was gone. _

The car frantically following the red and white blinking lights. She was sitting in the back seat of a cop car, but for an entirely different reason. However, she did feel trapped. Not trapped from the locked car or the bars dividing her and the officer, but trapped from the feeling of emptiness, fear, and the thought of could happen in the few hours. Tears were flowing from her eyes as she listened to the sound of the siren. It was the sound of a shriek cry. Or that could have been her making the noises. Or maybe it was just a combination of both. Whatever it was, it was the sound of chaos.

This couldn't be happening, now. She thought. She refused to believe it, but after all she was Peyton Sawyer. She knew how it worked; people always leave, but it didn't mean that it hurt any less anytime it happened. Especially since it was dealing with the guy she is in love with.


	2. Wires

A/N: There is a change in the ending of the previous chapter.

_They were done. Nine long days of work and it was complete. The colors of the walls were a light green; they figured it was the best color suitable for either a boy or a girl. _

"_Congratulations"_

"_Hey, I wouldn't have been able to done it without you." He said looking at her. She stared at his eyes and then looked away. He looked away as well, and glanced around the room. "This looks really good, Peyt" _

"_You're mom is going to love it."_

"_I hope."_

"_She will love it" she assures him. They continue to stare at one another. She looks away "So she is coming back tomorrow right?" _

"_Yea, she and Deb are driving back tomorrow"_

"_That's good." She said. They both made their way to his bedroom, neither saying much. That sat on his bad both lying down on their back looking up at the ceiling. He moved the curser of his laptop, and music started to play._

"_Who is this?"_

"_Jay Giles"_

"_Right." He says. "It's a fun song"_

"_You know what it means right?"_

"_Yea, but you can't tell me the tune isn't amazing"_

"_That's true" said. They were still lying on their backs, and they started to sing the lyrics. They even whistled in the end of the song. "I love that ending" she said. _

"_I love how we do this"_

"_Stare at the ceiling while listening to a play boy song?" he laughs thinking how dumb that sounds. _

"_No, not listening to a plat boy song. Just hanging out, and having fun" He looked at her. He really looked at her. She was beautiful; those eyes, her curly hair, her lips. He really was blind this entire time. She noticed the way he was looking at her and she knew she had to tell him. The subject was intentionally avoided by her the whole day._

"_Listen, I have something to tell you" she said._

"_What is it?" he turned on his stomach staring right at her._

"_Just got the news today and I wanted you to be the first to hear it. But I was a little hesitant with bringing it up"_

"_What's up Peyt? You can tell me anything"_

"_I got into that Rhode Island art school"_

"_RISDI? Oh wow, Peyton that's great" he said. Of course he was proud of her, I mean this was her dream school, but he knew this would change everything. He wasn't sure if he was ready for that. "That's…wow. Peyton. Congratulations."_

"_Thanks Luke. You know I couldn't have done it without you. Thanks for believing in me"_

"_Peyton you are so talented, the school wouldn't be living up to its potential if they didn't accept you" she smiled at what he said. _

"_But you were the one that made me apply. So thank you for that" he just nods and in a way regretted what he did. Of course, he was happy, but Rhode Island and South Carolina were just too far apart._

"_So why were you hesitant in telling me?" he asked._

"_I don't know. I guess it's because this is so real. I mean college. I was just expecting to stay in Tree Hill and go somewhere local like you are. And this happened and I was just so excited but scared at the same time. I am going to miss you Luke. I really am. And not just you but Tree Hill in general. I guess saying it out loud would make it true." She felt like her did. The conversation left a bad taste in his mouth. What exactly could he say? He couldn't ask her to stay; he didn't feel his reasons were good enough. After all, this was her dream school. He wasn't even exactly sure what he was feeling, but he knew she was the only one he turned to since Brooke broke up with him. She was even there before that. He couldn't replace someone like that that easily. _

"_Well, on that note. I think I am going to go home. I'm pretty beat." She finally said._

"_You can spend the night?"_

"_I don't think that's such a good idea"_

"_Why not?"_

"_It's late Luke. I'll be fine"_

"_Are you sure? I can drive you"_

"_Lucas I am fine" she smiles. "I have my own car" she says getting up. She made her way to the door before he stopped her, again. _

"_Peyton." She turns around to see him. "I want you to be here" he says in a serious tone._

"_What? Tomorrow?" he nodded. "Luke, it's going to be a special night for you and your mom. I don't need to be here." _

"_I want you to though. Please."_

"_Ok" she said recognizing the seriousness in his voice. She knew it wasn't just about the surprise, she knew it was something more than that. He knew it too. Of course he wanted to show his mom what the both of them did, and how she was a big help. But now, knowing that she is leaving to a different state he felt the need to be with her. But what exactly did that mean?_

_She went home and sat on her bed. She held the letter in her hands. Accepted. She still couldn't believe that she got in. It was never her intention to apply; it was that certain someone who filled the application for her. Lucas Scott. He was more than just some guy, and he was more than just some friend. He was the guy. _

_The next day when Karen came home, she almost fainted. She was completely taken back and couldn't believe that they would do all this in a span of ten days especially since it was just him and her. With all the emotions running high she even cried. They talked for a little while as Karen told Luke about the convention and the new ideas she has for the café. All during their conversation Karen continued to thank and hug them. She got up calling in an early night and went into her room. _

"_Well, I'd say that was mission accomplished" _

"_Yea, definitely. She even cried."_

"_She is really excited for this. You can tell."_

"_Yea, definitely. I wish Keith could have been here to see it though"_

"_You got to believe he is" he looked at her and nodded. "You miss him don't you?"_

"_Every day. I guess over time the pain slowly goes away, but you never forget"_

"_I know what you mean" he nodded and she did as well. _

"_Happiest moment of your life?" she looked at him. "Thought I would lighten up the mood a bit" she smiled._

"_That's tough. Knowing your dad's not dead is a pretty big relief." She said. "Recently, probably the last night I had with Ellie. We drove with the convertible top down while it was raining. It was…" she couldn't explain it. "nice" it wasn't the best word to describe it, but that would have to do. _

"_Sounds exciting" he was interested. She loved when he looked at her like that. You could tell he was really fascinated in what she was saying._

"_I just felt really…alive. It was thrilling but comfortable. I think its just one of those happy moments that I'll never forget. So what about you? Happiest moment?"_

"_I really don't know. I've had pretty great moments but I am not sure what my number one is."_

"_What about recently?"_

"_Probably that summer." Her eyes widened a bit. Out of everything he could have mentioned, that was the one thing that stuck with him the longest._

"_Really?" he nodded smiling._

"_I went into it thinking it would be the worst summer ever. I mean Brooke blew me off, and I saved my ass of a father from a fire. Haley was gone, and I pissed off Nathan. My mom took off, and Keith was away. I thought I had no one. But it turned out to be good." He nodded looking at her. He smiled a little. "I guess I was surprised that those months weren't hell"_

"_It was pretty nice wasn't it?"_

"_I still remember when I went with you to cut your hair. You were squeezing my hand, and crying like a baby."_

"_Shut up" she said laughing as she hit him. "I did not cry like a baby" he laughs with her. _

"_What about that thunderstorm that one night?"_

"_You can't hold that against me, I hate when the power goes off" _

"_I know" he simply says. He loves the fact he knows her that well. "You know this may sound corny and weird" he starts. "But, In a way it felt like for those few months the world, in a way, stopped" she agrees thinking back on it and he continues. "It's hard to get those moments when you are older. It seems they don't happen as frequent as you would like, so you really have to hold onto them" she knew he was right. She didn't think much about that summer, but looking back at it, it really was that kind of a moment._

_It was quiet for awhile before he broke the silence. _

"_Peyton?" he said breaking the silence moment as he sat up on the bed and looked her straight in the eyes. She turned to him and could see the seriousness in his eyes "I am going to really miss you. When you go to Rhode Island I mean."_

"_Me too Luke"_

_He wanted to say exactly how he was feeling, but the problem was he wasn't even exactly sure. _

"_You're beautiful you know that"_

"_Lucas…"_

"_No, you are. I mean yours eyes and yours hair" he says holding her soft curls "and here" he put his hand on her heart. "God, Peyton, inside and out your just perfect." He thought about that kiss they shared a few days ago, and all their other kisses. It was coming back up again: he soft lips, their hidden passion, their history. His mind was flooded with everything they been through as Peyton's mind was flooded with everything that could grow on from here. He was looking straight into her eyes and the distance between them was getting closer and closer. It was happening again. Her heart was beating fast and she was getting the chills all over. He was touching her face; her cheek, her neck, her lips. Her eyes were closed; she didn't know what was happening. For that moment she let her heart do the thinking instead of her mind. The phone rang and they both jumped back from one another. He reached to grab his phone._

"_Hello" he said in groggily voice. "Yea…Alright Man…..Yea tomorrow...Later Skillz." He hung up the phone. "Sorry about that. So where were we" he said and he smiled moving closer to her._

"_I think we were at the part where I was leaving" she got up from the bed and searched for her purse. Her heart stopped talking, and it was her head that took it from there._

"_Wh…why are you leaving?"_

"_Because this isn't real, Luke. It's not. This happens…we kiss but it never means anything."_

"_Of course it does Peyton"_

"_We're just friends"_

"_You know that's not true. Friends just don't kiss one another. Friends don't feel what I am feeling"_

"_What are you feeling Lucas?" she wanted to know. _

"_That you're the most important person in my life right now. That I don't want you to go to Rhode Island"_

"_Oh I see. That's what this is about." She nods. _

"_What do you mean?" _

"_Lucas I know what this is. You just found out I'm leaving Tree Hill and your going to be alone I get it Luke. I mean, is this not what happened last year with Brooke? You found out I am leaving and you just don't want me to go."_

"_I don't want you to go, you right. But it's more than that"_

"_Like what Luke? What is it?"_

"_I don't know." And that was all that he could say. Peyton helplessly sighed, for there was nothing more she could do. Not only was she scared about giving that piece of her heart away, but how was she sure about Luke's intentions. "I'll see you Luke" she said as he watched her leave. He was frustrated with himself. He sighed heavily that he could not say anything more. _

Through the window she could see him. Tubes, wires, surgeons were all around him. His life was in the palm of their hands. The doctors said they had to go through emergency surgery to avoid an internal blood clot which could be deadly. The walls were closing in on her, and she couldn't breath. Nathan took her in his arms and brought her back to the waiting room. They sat down next to each other as Haley brought them both coffees. All three of them were waiting as patiently as they could. Nathan tried to be strong for both the girls, but knowing his brother could die it was difficult for him to suppress his feelings.

"Peyton." She looked at him. "He will pull through it ok. You have to believe that ok?" he desperately tried to convince her and himself as well. She just simply nodded trying to believe it but not really believing. He pulled her close to him telling her he would be there for her no matter what. She tried to relax in his arms believing that he would be ok, but her head was haunted by something. It was her fault she thought. This all was her fault. She vividly remembered the last fifteen seconds that her life was normal.

_The light turned green, and she turned and smiled at him; he could always make her laugh. _

"_Watch out" just then a blue mustang, going way too fast for a residential road, was coming right towards them._

It was her fault she thought. She was the one driving after all.


	3. Hands Down

A/N: Only the first few chapters are going to be like this: long flashback and just a little present time. I just wanted to show how they get together. After this chapter…I think…flashbacks will be limited and I will focus on the main story. Not exactly sure why I set it up this way…I guess I am trying to be at a certain place with the flashbacks before the present takes place. And I also wanted to show how they got together. So just be patient with me for just another chap and I will get the present going.

It had been a few hours and the doctor came out. By the look of his face it didn't look good. It didn't look good at all. She saw the doctor come out of his room and breathed heavily before meeting him in the middle of the hall. Her eyes were swollen and her face was red; it was evident that she has been crying. Haley was asleep on Nathan's shoulder and he gently woke her up when he saw the doctor come out of the room. They were both closely behind Peyton as they were patiently awaiting the news.

"Don…pl please tell me he is ok?" she struggles to say as she looks up at the doctor with pleasing eyes.

"He is alive" he says giving her the most important news.

"Oh thank god" it was like a big weight was lifted off her shoulders. She hugged the doctor. This took him by surprise but he put smiled and put his hand on her back. He could tell how much he meant to her. "Thank you so much" she whispers in her ears.

Nathan had his arm around Haley's waist and pulled her closer as he heard the news. They were all relieved. Peyton reluctantly let go of the doctor; the sooner she let go the sooner she would have to hear the bad news. "We controlled the blood clot that formed. We believe his heart condition caused the blood clot to form because of lack of circulation in his chest. We got that back to normal and he should be conscious in an hour or so." Nathan put a hand on her shoulder as they heard everything was ok. However, Peyton didn't look too convinced; the look of his face revealed that something was wrong.

"There is a 'but' coming isn't there?" she knew it was bound to come. The doctor slowly nodded and Peyton nodded as well.

"Is it bad?" her eyes squinted a little.

"There was a complication that you need to know about." He said. This was always the hardest part.

"What kind of complication?" by the look at his face she knew it wasn't good.

"Is he ok doctor?" Nathan asked. The doctor looked both at Peyton and Nathan; their concern was understood. Telling them this type of news was going to be devastating.

"He is ok. He will be ok" he corrects himself.

"But…" Peyton says eagerly to know what was going on.

"We should sit down for this?" That didn't sound too good she thought. She looked over to Nathan and then Haley. They were all worried since the next few minutes of their life could be the worst news they would hear in awhile.

They were right.

_Luke went over to the basketball court since he was meeting Skillz there. They would meet up every once in awhile to shoot some hoops or if he just had a lot on his mind. The River Court was the place where he did his best thinking. The reason he called the other night was to confirm plans about meeting up to play a game. He parked his car and got out of it, and there was Skillz shooting hoops. Skillz turned around to see Luke walking towards him. They both smiled and did their hand shake thing. _

"_Hey, how's it going man?" _

"_It's going good."_

"_How is Amy?"_

"_Real good, man. We visited her family over the break."_

"_Getting serious?" Skillz laughs a little. He thinks about it a little more and realizes Luke is right. In a way it was his first serious relationship._

"_I guess"_

"_Good for you man" Luke liked Amy a lot for Skillz. She was good for him._

"_So how was your break?"_

"_It was nice. Peyton and I hung out a lot; we finished this project thing we had going on"_

"_For the little Luke sibling?" he smiles and pushes Luke a little._

"_Who told you?" Lucas smiles and watches Skillz do a lay up._

"_Peyt told Nate. Nate and I were playing the other day and he mentioned it" _

"_Oh" Luke was staring out thinking about Peyton. He sighed heavily._

"_Yo, did you come out here stare at the sky or play" Lucas smirks at him and grabs the ball from Skillz and shoots. Swish. Fifteen minutes into the game Luke's mind drifted off again. Skillz noticed his game wasn't on. _

"_Hey…Hey…Scott" Skillz finally says as Lucas finally looks in his general direction. "What's going on Luke? You're pretty out of it?"_

"_You know, you're lucky that I am here let alone talking to you" he walks over to the bleachers and sits on the first tier. _

"_Oh yea, and why is that?" Skillz follows him and they both drink their water bottles._

"_You could not have called at a better time last night?" he says sarcastically. _

"_Well, you know me on timing." He smiles a little and notices Luke is serious. "What's up?"_

"_We were just about to kiss before you called?"_

"_You and Peyton?"_

"_No, Skillz me and Nathan. Of course me and Peyton."_

"_Dude chill. How was I supposed to know you were with her?"_

"_Look I am sorry. I am just pissed alright?"_

"_So wait man, I'm confused. You hung up and then what happened?"_

"_She left. And I have no idea why. I mean she had the same reaction when we kissed a few nights ago but…"_

"_Woah wait a minute" he starts cutting off Lucas. "You kissed her a few nights ago too!" all Luke can do is nod. "Dude you two got to have magnets in your mouth or something" Luke just laughs. "Seriously, you two kiss an awful lot man, especially since you two aren't even together" Luke just smiles and puts his hands on his head out of frustration. He looks up to the sky knowing Skillz was right. _

"_What's going on between the two of you?"_

"_Well I think my feelings for her are resurfacing?"_

"_You think? You think?" Skillz just laughs. "You two kiss more than Amy and I have and you just think there are feelings involved? God, dude are you that oblivious?"_

"_It's complicated, alright? I know my feelings for her are real, I knew it the moment we kissed. That's not the question."_

"_Then what is Luke?" Skillz cuts in. _

"_I don't know. _

"_She thinks that it's just because she is leaving for college that I am doing this. That I am just going to be lonely and confessing to her so she can stay?"_

"_Didn't you do that with Brooke?" Lucas gives him a look: the 'don't go there' look. "What man it's true. You told her you wanted to be with her as soon as she told you she was leaving to L.A. or wherever she was going."_

"_That's what Peyton said." that's all he could say. He understood their point of view; it did happen._

"_Well that's probably why she left" he laughs a little wondering why Lucas was confused. "You know how Peyton is man. She is scared just like the last time"_

"_I'm scared too man." He says truthfully. _

"_Why you?" He looks confused waiting for the answer._

"_Because I've never done this before. It was different will Brooke, Skillz. I loved her and we actually did make it a serious relationship, but we never did take it to the next level. Where our hearts are completely with that other person. I could never be completely open with her; it was more of a subconscious thing, and I know if I do this with Peyton its going to get there." He confesses. _

"_I know you're scared, but what about that thing you're missing. You have to tell her man. You have to take that chance and just speak with your heart. I'm sure she will feel the same way" he knew he was right. He knew she felt the same way. He could tell in her eyes last night. The moment when he told her she was beautiful to how frightened she was when she left his house._

The doctor got up and left her to deal with her thoughts. Nathan was holding Haley, but both of them were concerned with Peyton and more importantly Lucas. She pulled her knees to her chest and cried; she couldn't believe what she heard.

"Peyton" Haley said and Peyton looked up. "It could have been worse"

"Hales is right Peyt. It could have been worse"

"I…I know." She simply says. She didn't want to talk. Her guilty conscious was coming back. This was her fault. If it weren't for her they would have been on the couch right now watching tv, but because she wanted to rent a movie from Blockbuster he is still unconscious from a car crash that she caused.

She should have seen that car. She should have swerved or stopped the car sooner. She should have looked before she drove when the light turned green.

"Peyton" she looked up at Nathan. "What are you thinking?"

"I did this" she said quietly not really looking at anyone.

"What are you talking about?" Haley asked. Haley and Nathan both looked at each other; both equally confused.

"It's my fault" she said. Haley and Nathan gave her a look and Peyton looked as if she was off in her own little planet that was before the doctor disrupted her of her thoughts.

"Mrs. Scott." Peyton looked up. "Your husband's awake" she smiled at the words. It seemed like a big weight was lifted off her shoulders. He was awake, but in a way she felt worse; facing him might have been harder then she was willing to handle.

"I'll be there in a few minutes" she said. She looked at Haley and Nathan; she was more scared then ever.

_It was late. After the one on one with Skillz he stayed at the River Court longer to think. He needed to think what he was going to say to her and how. He was blank though. He sat for two hours and he had no idea what to do or what to say. He knew Skillz was right; all the thinking in the world wouldn't mean anything. He just needed to speak from his heart. He went back to his house. He sat on the bed and took out a box under his bed. He opened the lid and put it to the side. He took out all the things insides of it. He hasn't looked at it for awhile. There were at least ten pictures of the two of them and four sketches Peyton gave to him. There were cds and letters that she gave to him and that he wanted to give to her. It was his Peyton box. He put it together mostly right after they broke up, but he continued to write unsent letters when he was at Charleston with Keith. Anytime he thought about her he would just write what he was feeling. Brooke figured he got rid of it, but for some reason Lucas just held on to it. He couldn't find it in heart to throw that away; it would be like throwing away his history with Peyton which was something he wasn't ready for. He kept in under his bed pretending that it didn't exist just like buried his feelings for her under his heart pretending that they didn't mean anything. _

_He finally got into his car and made his way to see her. He put in the latest cd she made him. The first song that came up was "Chasing Cars"; she told him it reminded her of the summer they spent with one another. He smiled remembering the day she gave him this cd. A Rolling Stones song as the clouds began to roar. It was raining really hard. He looked at the clock in his car, and it read 11pm. He knew she would still be awake though especially with the weather being the way it was. He put his car in park and went to the front door. He walked up the stairs and he could hear music coming from her room. Dashboard Confessional was on: the epitome of emo._

"_Big step down from the Beatles. Wouldn't you say?" she turned around and saw him soaked. She put the volume down but still enough to hear the music that was playing._

"_What are you doing here?" He walked in ignoring her question and just focusing on her. _

"_Luke you're soaked. Let me get you a towel" she said in a worried voice. She left the room, and got him a towel. "Here" she hands it to him._

"_Thanks." He grabs the towel from her hand. Their hands touch and she instantly moves towards the other way. He could tell she was nervous. "It's crazy out there" he said. He started to wipe his face with the towel and his arms. Someone had to break the silence. _

"_What are you doing here?" she asked again. _

"_Well, I wasn't sure if your power was going to go out, and since you hate thunderstorms I thought I would you know, stop by" she smiled at how nervous he was. He was so cute. _

"_What are you really doing here Luke?" he would do this anytime the weather was this bad, but she could also tell when he was bull shitting the truth._

"_I needed to see you. The other day didn't end the way I hoped. We need to talk Peyt"_

"_I think we said everything we needed to say Luke"_

"_I didn't though" he said. _

"_No?"_

"_No. Not at all. You asked how I was feeling and I couldn't say anything. I didn't know what to say or how to say it. I was afraid, but there's nothing to be scared of if were just honest right? I need to tell you what's been going on."_

"_I'm listening" _

"_I don't want you to go. Alright? I am going to miss you. But this isn't just because I am lonely and I am not going to have anyone. It's because I am not going to have you." Soon when he said this, her eyes got big and she was staring right into his eyes trying to read every little detail he was thinking. "You're irreplaceable Peyton. I know this is what I want. As much as I wanted it to work out with Brooke; it didn't and it couldn't. It just wasn't the same. It wasn't nearly the same. Peyton I never gave this piece of my heart before. I wasn't sure why at the time, but I know; I know why I could never be open with Brooke. It's because it's always going to come back to you. No matter what happens whether it's Brooke or Anna or even Jake, I am always going to be connected to you. I want that chance with you because I know if we try it will work. And I realize it won't be easy but I want this. Us." He points to the both of them. "I think I have known this for awhile now but I wasn't sure if those feelings were real or if they would pass, but when we kissed" he smiles and shakes his head not exactly sure how to explain how he felt. "Everything just came back Peyt. From our first conversation to our first kiss to when we lost one another to when we found each other again. And I know that these feelings I have for you and the history between us will never go away completely. Those feelings are always there, and something will always set them off. Whether it's an emotional day or if we just get lost in each others eyes, it always happens, but I always let it go. But I can't do that anymore. There is too much of a risk involved if I just let you go." He finished. Tears were glistening in her eyes as she listened to every word he said. She finally met his eyes once again and he smiled back. Hands Down came on on her Dashboard cd, and she recognized an all too familiar tune. She smiled as she heard the song come on. They both turned towards the radio and smiled. _

_**Breathe in for luck  
Breathe in so deep  
This air is blessed  
You share with me**_

_He looked back towards her._

"_Tell me what you're thinking Peyt?" he had to know. She looked towards him and this was finally it; all the feelings she has been hiding for the past 3 months were finally going to get out in the open. _

"_I've waited for this for so long Luke. Since even before your break up with Brooke, my feelings for you resurfaced. I tried to deny them, I tried to push them down, I tried to be with another guy; but it only led to my feelings for you to grow stronger." She looked down and looked back into his eyes. "I knew it the first time we had a conversation and each moment after that, that you weren't just some guy. I know we had problems, but it's like there is something bigger, beyond our control that is always pulling me back to you." _

_**My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me  
So, won't you kill me**_

_**So I die happy  
My heart is yours to fill or burst  
To break or bury  
Or wear as jewelry  
Whichever you prefer**_

"_Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he wasn't mad, just curious._

"_For the past year this" she pointed to both of them. "has been the most important part of my life. And I just couldn't risk jeopardizing that. I didn't want to loose you even if it was as a friend." He understood what she was saying. "And I was scared. I haven't done this before. I haven't let go of my heart completely. But I want this now. I want this with you because I think it's the only way it will work." She puts her hands on his chest going close to him staring into his eyes. "I want you. I am ready" she said. _

"_We are both ready" he corrected. They both smiled, and he took her into his arms and kissed her. _

_**Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember  
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo  
The dim of the soft lights  
The scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers**_

_Her hand was placed firmly on his heart and his hand was on her neck and on her waist. Slowly their kiss ended and their foreheads leaned against one another. _

"_Luke"_

"_hmm" he says. _

"_What about college?"_

"_What about it?"_

"_You're staying here and I am off too Rhode Island" he looked at her and forgot. She could tell he forgot. His face was blank and hers was too. "Maybe this isn't a good idea. Getting together right before were getting ripped apart" she moved back from his arms and looked into his face desperately trying to read what was on his mind. _

"_No…" he said pulling her back to him and kissing her lips again. He held her face with both his hands, and then looking into her eyes. "I don't care" he said. He moved the strands of hair behind her ear. "This is all that matters." He says kissing her again. "I love you" he said it. It was the first time he actually said it, and the first time that it ever meant anything to her._

"_I love you too" _

_**And this walk that we shared together  
The streets were wet  
And the gate was locked**_

_**So I jumped it and let you in  
And you stood at the door with your hands on my waist  
And you kissed me like you meant it**_

_She kissed him back running her hand through his hair. She hugged him and he wrapped his strong arms around her fragile body. The comfort of his arms made her shiver down her whole body. This was it; the feeling of love. Goosebumps ran all over her arms, and she looked into his blue, piercing eyes and knew everything would be ok. _

_**And I knew that you meant it  
That you meant it**_

_**That you meant it**_

_**And I knew  
That you meant it**_

_**That you meant it**_

_It was the song that crashed their lives together, and crashed two souls that formed an indestructible bond. The two souls that could face anything: death, growing apart, other loves, and doubts._

_Even though it seemed like forever ago when their lives crashed and even though it took them forever to actually get together, it was only the beginning. Could the two actually face **anything** together? _

She walked inside using all of her might to hold back her tears. Nathan and Haley allowed her to go in first. The site of him on the hospital bed and knowing his condition made her remember how much she hated hospitals. She looked into his eyes and he saw her. They both faintly smiled. For that moment it was just the two of them. Their world stopped and it was just Lucas and Peyton. Everything was ok for that one moment, but unfortunately that wasn't reality. He was still in the hospital bed. They were still involved in a car crash. And Lucas Scott's life was still greatly affected, and always would be.


	4. Behind Blue Eyes

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to get an UD up. I could make excuses about school and the inevitable drama that always occurs…but honestly, I have just been lazy and forgetful. Mostly lazy though. But I'll try and get the next chapter up in less than five months…that'll be my goal.

Still staring at one another in the silence, reality hit them both. He was lying on a hospital bed, and she was looking down at him. The accident did happen. The smirk he had when she first walked inside his room had vanished. Tears were fighting in both their eyes, but they both held them off; both trying to appear stronger than they actually were. Peyton finally broke the endless silence.

"Hey" she said.

"Hey" he said quietly. She searched through his eyes trying to read anything that was going in his mind. There was nothing. All there was in front of her was a cold, emotionless man. She couldn't see the guy she once knew. It wasn't the Lucas Scott she knew at all. She knew this would be difficult. His life was to be changed forever which meant her life would be changed forever. She knew she had to be there for him. But how? What could she say? What could possibly take his pain away? What could possibly erase the situation he was under?

Nothing.

And she realized that.

Finally, she bent over to kiss his forehead. All the emotions and their love came rushing to her head as a single tear escaped from her eye. He felt it, and he began to feel even worse. This was the women he loved, and he knew he wasn't the same guy before the accident. How could he be? How could he be the same guy for her? He didn't feel like he a complete person anymore.

She quickly wiped the tear that fell on his forehead. She knew she had to be the strong one here. She moved away and caught a glimpse of his eyes. Again, she tried to read them, but there was no use. There was nothing in his eyes except coldness. She wanted to thank god that he was still alive and tell him how grateful she was at the fact that he hadn't died. "I'm glad you are ok" she said, but by the death glare she got from him she realized it wasn't something he wanted to hear. "Could have been worse. You're alive Luke" she said trying to make him feel a bit better. But it hadn't worked. She still tried to search for something in his eyes. Something that would make her realize that things were going to be ok. But again, nothing.

"I'm not ok" was all he could say. He looked away from her, not being able to see the sight of her. He shut his eyes trying to control the tears that were flooding out of his eyes. He kept them closed not wanting her to see the complete mess he was in. She put her hand on his face gently stroking it. "It's ok to cry, baby. It's ok" She put her hands through his hair and wiped away the tears that were escaping his fragile, blue eyes. "Luke, baby, it's ok to show how you're feeling." She said continuing to stroke his face until he forcefully turned his head in the opposite direction which made her feel completely hopeless. She took a deep breath trying to not break down in his arms even though that was exactly what she wanted to do. "Please. Just say something." she desperately pleaded.

"I don't know what to say Peyton." he violently snapped at her looking her in the eyes. She looked away not liking who he had become, after all it was the man she loved. Immediately, he regrets the tone he yelled at her in. "Look, Peyt. I'm sorry." but she avoided eye contact with him not wanting to this side of Lucas; a side that was so foreign to her. He reached for her hand and gently squeezed it. She finally looked back at him realizing the pain he was under. She slowly nodded.

He turned away again looking out at the window. It was a beautiful day out. Sun was out, birds were chirping. It was spring time which in a way symbolized the life or rather re-birth of all that was great in the world. As flowers were blooming and the animals ended their hibernation, one young man's life was _still_ forever changed. And to him, it felt like a part of himself had died. He couldn't stand looking out at the window; he gently turned his head so he was staring straight up the ceiling. He let go of Peyton's hand putting both arms right by his side. The silence between them was growing thick. The distance between them grew stronger as every moment was passing by. They might have been not more than a foot away, but she never felt so distant from him.

"Nathan and Haley are here. You wanna see them?" she once again broke the silence. She knew it was a stupid ass question. She knew the answer she would receive, but anything to cut the silence. He just shook his head; he turned his head towards her purposely avoiding her eyes.

"I just want to be alone" he finally spoke not wanting to see the hurt and pain that would be evident on her face. As she heard those words, her heart dropped.

"Alright" she barely said acting as if it had not bothered her. She didn't want him to hear the pain in her voice. But he did. He knew how she was feeling, but he couldn't be in the same room as her. Not now. She picked up his hand, and gently kissed it closing her eyes as she did. "I'll be outside waiting".

"Yea" was all he could say. He couldn't even look at her. She turned away from him and she could feel her knees getting weak. She made her best to make it to the doorway without completely breaking down. It was the longest fifteen steps of her life. She reached for the door handle and slowly looked back at him. It wasn't fair she thought. He didn't deserve this. They didn't deserve this. She closed her eyes wishing for it to all be a dream, but as they opened, she realized that it really did happen. This was her life from now on. She turned back towards the door, opened it, and made her way back to the waiting room.

Nathan jumped up at the sight of Peyton. "How is he?" he quickly asked. She didn't say a word, and just found her way into his arms. Tears she tried desperately to control finally busted out from her eyes. The thought of Lucas lying there helplessly without hope in the world made her sick to her stomach.

"It's ok Peyton. It will get better. It just takes time. It's going to be ok."

"I don't think so Nate." Nathan turned to his wife who got up and put her hand on Peyton's shoulder. They knew they had to be there for Peyton; that she couldn't handle all of this on her own.

A few hours passed and Nathan and Haley left deciding it would be best to try again tomorrow. Sitting by herself, she was finally able to cry herself to sleep. But not more than and hour later she was awaken by a nurse.

"M'am, I'm sorry to wake you. But Mr. Scott has asked for you." right away she felt better. She got up quickly and made her to his room. She walked in and sighed as she smiled at him. He didn't smile back but the fact he was staring right into her eyes made her feel better. She made her way to the chair that was next to his bed but he spoke up.

"Don't be stupid" he said smirking half way at her and nodding towards empty space on the bed he was lying in. She smiled and sat down not daring to break eye contact they were both mesmerized in.

"Sorry" he lipped to her.

"Don't…" she started. "Don't be sorry" he just nodded at her. "We'll get through this ok" she said but she knew she was trying to convince herself just as much as she was trying to convince him. He nodded but not exactly believing her. "Do you wanna talk?" he shook his head saying no.

"Can you just lie here with me?" he asked. "Just forget that the other night happened?"

"Lucas…"

"Peyton, I know. Ju...Just for today. Please?" he looked into her eyes. She stared right back and noticed the urgency in his eyes. She gave in and nodded slowly. "Come here" he said trying his best to make some more room for her. She lied parallel to him putting her head in the crook of his neck. He slowly extended his arm and placed it on top of her leg assuring her how much he appreciated her even if he didn't show it a few hours ago. She extended her arm to reach his, and they both interlocked their fingers together. A perfect fit. And through their fingers were two rings that were reflecting the sunlight that shone through the window. The rings were a symbol of love and affection, and through hard work and determination they could overcome **_anything_**. But the sun was settling and the reflection of light that was once shining from the rings was beginning to die out. Not more than an hour later, they were both lying still in the dark.

_They were lying still under the blankets, nothing on them except their birthday suits. She was on top of him, her head resting on his chest listening to the rhythm of his heart. She smiled thinking about what occurred the other night. It took them long enough, but it was worth the wait. Anything would have been worth what she was feeling at the moment. _

_She had been up for the past fifteen minutes thinking about everything they went through, and how this was finally right. It felt like forever, and she knew she didn't want anything to jeopardize what they finally realized they had. Her fingers began drawing circles on his chest. She admired his fine rock-hard abs as she continued to trace circles and designs on his stomach giving it a kiss every now and then._

"_Hey Beautiful" he says awaking to the touch of her fingers and the moisture left by her soft lips. _

"_Hey you" she says lifting her head and looking straight at him resting her chin on his chest._

"_Last night was…" he began but there were no words to describe it. _

"_More than I could ever ask for" she said kissing his lips lightly. _

"_Mmm hmm" he let out kissing her again. He gently pushes himself up so he was sitting up against the back board of the bed. She turned around so she was lying on his stomach between both his legs. He pulled the covers on both of them noticing the goose bumps that lay on her arms. Under the covers, he placed both his hands tightly around her slim figure holding on to her closely. He rubbed his hands up and down her shoulders and arms attempting to warm her up and then placing them again on her waist. _

"_I was doing some thinking last night" she finally said as they were lying on her bed in comfort._

"_Yea?" he said as she turned to face him looking up._

"_Yea" she nodded reaching up to kiss him again. She got up and reached under her bed for a white envelope. She slowly took out the piece of paper and showed it to him before going back to her original position._

"_Carolina's School of Art and Design" he read noticing it was an acceptance letter to the small college not too far from Tree Hill. "But this is a community college, Peyton. It doesn't compare to the Rhode Island school." _

"_Yea, but that school doesn't have the one thing that matters to me most" she said looking down and back up into his eyes._

"_Peyton…" he started. She put her fingers on his lips to shut him up. She turned to face him completely. _

"_I know this is right" she said. _

"_What about your dreams?"_

"_I'm living my dream right now. I know I can still get an amazing education here." she says pointing to the letter. _

"_Peyt…" but she cuts him off in a kiss. She breaks it off as both her hands caress his face. Their eyes meet. She smiles lightly as he stares looking in a serious manner. She laughed a little before leaning in to kiss him again; she loved when he made that facial expression. Kissing each other passionately, their tongues massaged one another. It seemed she was convincing him real good as he rested his hands on her slender waist pulling her closer to him. They both giggled before he gently flipped her over as he adjusted himself so he was on top of her being careful to not put his entire weight on her. Letting go of the kiss they both stared at one another again this time both of them smiling wide. He leaned down kissing her once more, and then rested his forehead onto hers. Their eyes never moved from one another. _

"_You're sure?" she nodded but this time she was more serious letting him know that it was her final decision, and that she was happy with it. "I don't want you to regret this."_

"_I wouldn't dream of that" she said seriously. "I love you" she said still not looking away from his eyes. She could tell that his eyes were getting watery, and smiled at how emotional he could get. She then pulled his head down and their lips crashed into one another. And just like the night before they passionately made love. _

Lying awake he had dreamt about their first time, and the dozens and dozens of time they had made love there after. As he wanted to smile about those pleasurable moments in their relationship and in their marriage, he couldn't. He started to feel sick to his stomach. As he tried to reach for the bucket next to the hospital bed, he made it just in time puking the little amounts of food that still remained in his stomach. The movement by Lucas caused Peyton to wake up. As she got up slightly she turned to see if he was alright putting her hands on his shoulder and on his head.

"Luke, you ok?" he shook his head as he continued to gag. She got up grabbing him a glass of water and sat beside him. "Here" she said slowly pouring the water into his mouth.

"Thank you" was all he could manage to get out.

"Did you have a good sleep?" she asked.

"Amazing till I was awoken by reality" he said still looking up at her. "I love you" he said realizing he hadn't said it in a really long time. He had gotten a sense that she was going to leave him which was probably why he had got sick to his stomach. Peyton was surprised by his choice of words but she smiled at him and a few tears escaped her eyes.

"I love you too" she said also realizing she hadn't told him in awhile. He wiped the few tears that had escaped from her eyes, maybe things were going to be alright she thought. But her thoughts were disrupted by a nurse who was lightly knocking on the door.

"Sorry to be a bother" she started "but the Doctor wants to start Lucas' therapy today". Peyton looked at the nurse and nodded and looked back at Lucas who also turned back to face his wife.

It had been two weeks since he had started his therapy, sixteen days since the accident, and sixteen days since they were living their normal lives. Therapy took a big toll on Lucas; he would barley talk to Peyton. Their conversations were limited to his one word answers. Anytime Lucas would think about his condition he would get sick to his stomach. Peyton never left the hospital, and brought her work into his room completely only the necessary sketches the magazine needed. She barely got any sleep and she thought it was starting to affect her health because for the past few days, Lucas wasn't the only one throwing up. She assumed it from the lack of sleep or maybe there was some bug going around. The school where Lucas was teaching had called letting him know they had found a permanent substitute for the remainder of the school year which didn't settle well with Lucas.

Peyton came back inside his room after receiving the good news from the doctor. As she walked in, she saw her husband with his eyes permanently attached to the tv screen. It was March she thought, of course. It was like this every year as all he would do when he came home from work was watch what they called 'March Madness' rooting for his college team. She was amused at how seriously he would take the tournament even though she didn't know much about the sport. But she would still watch with him. He would always explain what was going on the tournament and provide these random facts that she would never use in her life, but she still enjoyed it. She loved how passionate he could be about certain things. She turned to the screen of the tv and realized his team was winning. She smiled thinking maybe that would help boost his spirit.

"Tarheels are up. That's good Luke"

"Yea" he said quietly not really looking impressed. Maybe not she thought.

"Looks like their going to the championship game, huh?" she said attempting to make any conversation even if it was about something she knew very little about.

"Yea. Looks like it" he said while his eyes were still glued to the tv.

"Well I have some good news?" at this he finally looked over her patiently waiting to hear the good news that she had. According to him, there was no such thing as good news. "Doctor says you can go home today."

"That's great Peyton" he said smiling. But she could tell he was faking it the second she saw his face. Going home, he felt, would be even a bigger reality shocker knowing that this was his life, and he couldn't do anything to change it.

"Yea" she said quietly. She walked on his bed side and kissed his forehead. He knew she was really trying, and that he wasn't helping her at all. He slowly leaned back against the pillows on the bed closing his eyes realizing how unfair he had been to Peyton. She was his wife. He opened them and slowly reached for her hand; he grabbed it gently interlocking it with his own hand. He brought it to his mouth and kissed it looking up into her eyes. She could tell he was making the effort which made her feel a bit better.

"So maybe we can have a party at the house Luke on Saturday for the big game."

"Yea. That's a good idea" he said looking at her nodding still trying to make the effort of being that guy he once was. The guy she married.

Peyton was in the driver's seat as Lucas was looking outside the car window. It pained him to see a guy riding his bike and a woman strolling around her baby. His eyes turned red and swollen realizing all the disadvantages he would be facing. She put her hand on his shoulder squeezing it firmly letting him know that she would always be right there by his side. She looked in her rear view mirror seeing Nathan in the back seat also with tears escaping from his eyes realizing exactly what his brother was going through. As they got to the house Nathan took out the wheelchair from the trunk as Peyton got out from the drivers side. She opened the door of the passenger's seat. Lucas put his arms around Nathan's neck as he carried him on to the wheel chair. As Nathan was pushing the wheel chair he hadn't realized the passenger door was still open, and Lucas' knee accidentally banged against the door.

"Oh Lucas, are you ok?" Nathan said quickly coming around in front to see if he was hurt. Peyton turned around to witness anger coming from her husband's eyes. All three of them realized that he had said the wrong thing at the wrong time.

"Look, man. I'm sorry" he said.

"Its fine" he said as he quickly turned the wheels motioning him to the front door of the house.

"Lucas…" Peyton said trying to stop him.

"Don't" he said stopping the wheels from moving any further. He turned his head towards them. "I mean, I'm only paralyzed. Could have been worse right, Peyt?" she noticed the sarcasm and anger in his voice, so she didn't dare say a word. Instead, she sighed heavily looking at Nathan while Lucas turned back around and motioned the wheels to go inside of the house. She knew it was going to take a lot of time and effort before they get back what they once had. That was if they could ever actually get that back.


	5. Digital Man

A/N: Only been three months since my last UD(getting better). Honestly this storyline with Lucas and Peyton is so damn depressing. When I started it, it was the emotions I was feeling that got me wanting to write it. I've been a little too happy lately which gives me no motivation to write such a depressing storyline. It's also been taking me awhile since I haven't thoughtfully planned out what I'm doing with this fic. I'm also extremely lazy to plan something out. So I'll just write and see what I come up with. Thanks for being patient. Oh, and thanks for your responses. I find myself always laughing when I read them.

It's been almost a week since he has been home and not a single change was made. Those 6 days even became a routine in the Scott house. Lucas was content with his one word answers to his wife or the occasional "good night" if it was a good day.

As he would lie down next to the women he loved he wanted to say something more than that. Satisfy her in any way he possibly could. But he couldn't. He was sick to his stomach at what his life had become. Could he even be considered a man anymore? He can't provide his wife security since he is in a damn wheelchair? Can't provide the sperm that would complete both their lives by creating their first child. Couldn't even hold a job anymore. Hell, he couldn't even clean himself; even a fucking child could do that. His job as a male species was terminated soon when he got into that accident, and all because of a fucking drunk driver who had no fucking clue how fast he was driving. All these thoughts and images were planted in his mind. It's no wonder why he didn't speak or even dare look at his wife.

The routine was simple, but long and tedious for both of them. He would wake up and Peyton would clean him and help him shower. Peyton then showered herself made some coffee and a small breakfast before going to work. Work consisted of a few hours in the morning before she came home cleaned Lucas again and would either make him a sandwich or get him some soup. She would go back to work for a few more hours then come back home to Lucas. It then when she told him she loved him; every day that week, always wanting to assure him that she wasn't going anywhere; that she was always there to talk and listen. Through the whole 'conversation', not sure you could even call it that since it takes two to converse; Lucas' mind was on his situation and what the hell he was going to do from there. What would he do with his life? What job could he even hold? He even wondered what his wife thought of him. Pity he thought. He can't even get into his wheelchair by himself let alone clean himself. He wouldn't be able to walk for the rest of his life. He felt absolutely useless.

While Lucas was essentially going insane, Peyton was running out of ideas of what to do. He stared blankly when she told him she loved him. She didn't expect him to say it back right away but some sort of reply would have made things a little bit better; a smile, a look, just some damn sense of hope. Nothing though. She tried everything; put some music, his favorite movies, even tried reading him selected parts of Gatsby. It was no use. He wouldn't give in to anything. It was hard since all the work she was putting in affected her financially, emotionally, and physically. By night time, she was absolutely drained to do anything. The stress took a toll on her health as she was still slowly but surely recovering from the small virus she inherited over two weeks ago.

She was hoping that tomorrow's party will help lighten the mood especially since Nathan, Skillz, and a bunch of the Rivercourt guys would be coming to watch their favorite college team get the chance to win it all. Maybe a good laugh, few glasses of beer, and a bowl of popcorn would do the trick. At least she hoped. All she wanted was to see her husband smile; even a small smirk would please her.

She made her way to the bed and saw Lucas already there staring out the window at the pitch dark sky. She pulled the covers on top of her trying to figure out something to say that would spark some kind of conversation.

"Excited about tomorrow?"

"I guess" was all he could answer.

"I'm making chili dogs and Haley is going to bring some chicken wings. Fergie and Junk are gonna get the pizza. Is there anything else you want?"

"Do we have beer?" he asked still not making eye contact.

"Beer? Yea we got that. Brooke is bringing more as well."

"I'm good then" he said turning away from her purposely avoiding any more eye contact then needed. She still sat up, looking at him as tears started to fill up her eyes. She closed her eyes tight being careful not to make any noises or show the effects of her husband's ignorance. After a minute her tears stopped and she regained control. She leaned over kissing him on the cheek noticing his eyes were still wide awake which made it ever harder for her to do.

"I love you" she whispers in his ear before lying down on her side, tears escaping her eyes again. This wasn't the man she married, and it definitely wasn't the man she fell in love with. She didn't know what to do anymore; he wasn't even trying. It will get better she thought, it will get better.

On the opposite end of the bed he could tell she was crying; he knew her too well to know that she was hiding her tears from him. And of course he cared. He didn't want to cause her pain and heartache. But how could he possibly show love and affection for his wife when he couldn't even stand the person he had become? How could he be that guy again; the guy she wanted him to be? Especially when he had no sense of worth and no respect for himself?

_It was their third year anniversary from that night. And back they were underneath covers. She was still sleeping as he was slowly crouching up on top of her. He traces his finger, lightly outlining her face while then slowly going around her peaceful, sleeping eyes, then on top of her nose, and finally stopping on her lips. Peyton slowly stirred, awaken by her lovers touch. A small, gentle smile is spread across her face, but her eyes have yet to open. He notices her smile and his lips curve upward, always happy to see her smiling. Moving in closer and closer he gently kisses her lips wanting her to open her eyes which she inevitably does. Looking into one another's eyes their both mesmerized in the silence, neither saying a word. The only sound that could be heard was both of them breathing in the sweet air around them, knowing what was about to happen next. He smiles again and she does too. She puts her hand on the back of his head softly pulling his head to hers as their lips meet again in a soft, slow kiss, their tongues only meeting briefly. Tenderly, she starts to massage his scalp and neck as their soft kiss starts to develop into a hot, passionate call for love. He gets on top of her, careful to adjust his weight. Placing his hand on her heart, he feels the silver heart-shaped pendant that symbolized their love for one another for that year of happiness and bliss; holding on to it, squeezing it tightly just as he wanted to hold on to this moment for the rest of his life. It seemed that every moment when they were together, time stood still just for the two of them, and for that moment all the beauty and harmony of the world belonged to them and the love they had for each other. _

_Feeling his plump, wet lips placing sweet, cool kisses down her neck, she closed her eyes in ecstasy, slightly moaning, enjoying all the ways he could please her. Shivers ran down her body as she thought about his previous gesture giving her that heart pendant earlier in the night; she knew this was meant to last for an eternity. She moved her hands around his waist pushing him even closer and harder on to her. He felt her sense of urgency and giggled knowing she couldn't wait any longer. He could have held back and teased her, but instead he lovingly gave in. And for the third time that night that had made love in each other's arms. _

Lucas shot up from his deep sleep. What used to be considered a sweet dream of a beautiful memory was now what he would call a nightmare. He couldn't even enjoy the simple joys of life with his wife. He wouldn't be able to get that night back ever again. His mind jumped to every pleasurable time he had with her and how he wouldn't ever be able to experience it again. He grew angrier with each passing second at the circumstances he was now in and how his life was essentially dead in more than one way. What did he do wrong to deserve this? He kept wondering but his mind was left empty and his body numb. Peyton, who was never really asleep to begin with, saw him wake up.

"Hey Luke…Lucas?" he finally turned his head toward her not wanting to see her beautiful face, and perfect figure leaning over him. "Baby, are you ok?" She noticed the water growing in his eyes so she laid her hand softly on his face rubbing it ever so gently. He first closed his eyes comfortable by her soft, smooth touch. He caught her sense of worry that he loved so much about her. He wanted so much to take her in his hands and make love to her right there and then like he had so many previous nights. But he couldn't.

He felt sick to his stomach again and couldn't allow her to touch him anymore. Quickly, he turned the other direction muttering "I'm fine" under his breath before tightly shutting his eyes. And once again, she felt helpless. She knew she was able to read some kind of emotion through his eyes and facial expression when he felt her hand grazing along his face. She could tell he was scared, frightened, pressured with every thought running through his head. But like a quick flash his walls came up guarded and protected as the same man she saw for the past six days, a dark, numb, lonely man. Staring up at the ceiling she knew she couldn't sleep. Gently she got out of the bed and made her way into the bathroom where she let all the tears out she had been holding in that night. Lucas opened his own eyes where a few tears fell out realizing the terrible situation he and his wife were at. He couldn't keep being the jackass he was being. He couldn't pretend he wasn't the cause of her nightly tears and couldn't pretend that he didn't hear them either. This was his life, and had to start making an effort for his wife.

_**Good Day Sunshine**_

_**Good Day Sunshine**_

_**Good Day Sunshine**_

_Resting in his arms she was playing with the new silver necklace he got her. She read the inscription that was behind the heart shaped pendant. "Love you forever, Lucas". She smiled knowing that the gesture came right from his heart. He awoke and noticed her staring at the gift he had wanted to give her since they finally got together. _

"_Good day sunshine" he said as she turned around at the sound of his voice._

"_Hey" she said smiling at his choice of words. "Love that Beatles song. Best on Revolver."_

"_Thought you'd like that" he smiled putting his hand on her face moving the strands of hair that covered her perfect, silky skin. "Have you been awake long?"_

"_No" she lied, not wanting to admit she was watching him sleep for about an hour. _

"_Last night was unbelievable Peyton" _

"_It was pretty damn incredible" she said smiling, getting up slightly to kiss his forehead, then cheeks, and nose, and chin, and finally lips. After a few quick peck, she giggled happily thinking about the events that night encompassed. _

_**I need to laugh, and when the sun is out  
I've got something I can laugh about  
I feel good, in a special way  
I'm in love and it's a sunny day**_

_Peyton slowly leaned her body against his as he put his arm firmly around her. She held tightly to her necklace smiling of everything it encompassed, literally and figuratively. Lucas noticed the happiness that came from her eyes whenever she glanced at the present he bought for her._

"_I meant it, you know?" she quickly glance at what he had to say and realized he was talking about the necklace. _

"_Of course I know Lucas" she said turning to face him. _

"_Their not just words for me. When I say forever I mean it."_

"_Luke, I know. I trust you" she said assuring him._

"_What I'm feeling now and every day I am with you... I know these feelings aren't going to stop or alter or change in anyway…ever. That's what I mean by it and that's why I gave it to you."_

"_Lucas…" she didn't know what to say. He had never been this serious with her. He never made a promise so grand before. _

"_I'm gonna marry you Peyton Sawyer" he said. "Don't want that to sound corny and I certainly don't want to scare you off. You just need to know."_

"_What…" she said softly not sure if she heard correctly. _

"_I'm gonna marry you" he repeated with a slight smile._

"_Am I supposed to take that as a proposal?" she smiles as she jokes. _

"_I'm serious. I mean take it as you want. But when were both ready and settled in our careers and I get the necessary approval from parents…" he says drifting off trying to read her reaction. "I'm just telling you" he concludes._

"_I love you Lucas Scott" she said kissing him on the lips once more before she retreated to her position, lying on Lucas' chest. The sun was shining in on the two lovers contently in one another's arms. It was a good day. _

_**Good day sunshine   
Good day sunshine  
Good day sunshine**_

She remembered that morning and every morning they slept near one another and how she would always awake to feel his secure arms holding her tightly. As she finally awoke from her amazing flashback of what had been a perfect day, she knew she would have to be back in reality where she was lucky if her husband would say more than a few words to her. As she awoke she felt those strong hands around her and could sense his eyes were staring at her. She turned around to see his bright blue eyes and his face full with emotion. She smiled at the touch of his arms; she missed it. She missed him.

"Good day sunshine" he says quietly, not with much emotion. But it was his choice of words that overcame his wife with such happiness. Those few words did it for her just as they always did the morning after a great night. It was the first amount of life she had seen in him since they got back from the hospital.

_**Then we lie beneath a shady tree  
I love her and she's loving me  
She feels good, she know she's looking fine  
I'm so proud to know that she is mine**_

A tear escaped her eyes and he quickly wiped it away. "I love you. Just please, Peyton, remember that ok?" she just nodded as more tears filled her eyes and escaped uncontrollably. After he wiped them away, she kissed him with a sense of urgency. He kissed her back softly but didn't make it last long. She turned to lean against his chest as he securely wrapped his arm around her slender figure just like he always would. Maybe it was actually going to be a good day she thought or rather hoped.

_**Good day sunshine   
Good day sunshine  
Good day sunshine**_

Lying in bed with him for that hour was the best hour she had since they got back from the hospital. He would occasionally act this way in the hospital. Telling her he loved her and giving her some sense of hope, but as soon as he felt like he was confronted with reality, his guards would come up the second after. He would make his attempts but they always failed every time he saw his wheelchair and thought about all the continuous things he wouldn't be capable of doing. She was just happy that she could spend that hour with the man she married, the man she fell in love with. Maybe it wouldn't last, but she didn't care at the moment. So badly, she wanted to talk with him to just know what was going on in his head. All she wanted was to take away the pain, but she didn't say anything for that hour. Instead, staid in her husband's arms not wanting to risk the chance of ruining that moment. All she wanted was to live in the moment and hope this day could just continue you on just as it started.

"We should get up. I got a lot to do." Peyton finally said realizing the time still not wanting to say it in fear of him closing himself off.

"Let's just stay here the entire day" he said.

"I would love to" she said still nestled in his arms not wanting to move an inch. "But we have guests coming and we have a lot of cooking to do."

"Soo…"

"And we have to get cleaned up and …" she started.

"Meaning you have to clean me up" he said interrupting her. It was the first time that day he was confronted by his situation. And just by his she could sense his bitterness towards his situation.

"Luke…" she got up looking at him wanting him so badly not to ruin what had been a start to a perfect day. Not wanting to let it guard him and close him off like it did so many times before.

"Alright, come on" he said real fast trying to put on a small smirk even if she could tell he was faking. It didn't matter because he was making an effort. It was more than she could ever ask for.

After she helped him shower and she showered herself they both made their way into the kitchen. He rolled his wheelchair to the tv turning it on and flipped the channels till he got to ESPN. He listened intently to the recent news of the upcoming game as well as predications of who was going to win the game.

"Sports announcers don't know shit" he said rolling away from the room and into the kitchen where Peyton was taking out all the vegetables, meat, and beans for the chili.

"And how many times must you repeat that? If you don't like what they say then why listen?"

"Guilty pleasure I guess. Like to see what they say. It like you listening to that damn country song. The one with Kid Rock."

"The picture song? It's cute." she says smiling. Lucas just laughs shaking his head.

She ripped the bean packages and put them all in a huge pot of boiling water. In the other side of the stove was a pan with the small pieces of beef cooking and sizzling. Usually, he would be right there with her helping her cook. He loved chili and he loved cooking it, but how could he help now? That useless feeling came back again. It was the feeling that made him want to close off to the world in the first. He purposely tried to avoid it.

"Want some help?" he finally asked.

"No, it's alright, I got it" she said not wanting to put him to work. As she finished her sentence she looked away from the pot and into his eyes noticing the disappointing look on his face. "Actually" she started "cutting up these vegetables would help me out". Grabbing the vegetables, cutting board, and knife she put it all on the table as Lucas rolled his chair right next to the table. He grabbed the knife and began cutting the onion.

"Thanks" he said looking at her, smirking slightly as she just smiled back.

It was only a few minutes before everyone was going to come, and everything was set. Hot dogs were done, buns were on the table, all the hot dog sides and condiments were ready to be used, and Peyton just turned off the stove before placing the chili on the table. Lucas helped pretty much all the way through. After he cut the vegetables he poured them all into the pot. He helped place everything on the table as Peyton would hand everything to him. He grabbed the plates and utensils, and even made the necessary call to Brooke that he knew his wife forgot to do. For the first time since the accident, he didn't feel so useless. For the first time his mind didn't wonder off to the future or past, but it staid in the present. It allowed to realize the things he was capable of doing instead of over-thinking and over-analyzing how much his life has changed. He could honestly say he felt some-what happy. Maybe things were going to be ok if he just put some effort.

"Looks like its all finished" she said walking close to Lucas who just began watching the pre-game show. He stopped to look at her noticing she was happy with the way the day turned out, so far.

"They should be here soon" he said looking at his watch.

"Oh Shit. I forgot to call Brooke…" as she started to move towards her phone Lucas grabbed her hand pulling her onto his lap.

"Luke…" she said quickly getting up.

"It's fine. I'm fine." he said pulling her back down holding onto her waist.

"I still gotta call Brooke"

"It's done. Called her ten minutes ago and told her" he said before leaning in for a short, tender kiss.

"About the napkins?" he nodded smiling kissing her lightly again. "I'm impressed" she said before leaning in to kiss him again wrapping her arms around his neck. Surprised by his sudden actions she just decided to go with it, not wandering what got him in such a good mood. Ding-dong. Someone's here they thought. "Damn…" she said smiling before getting off his lap. She ran her hand through his hair real quickly before running to go open the door. Luke followed contently still smiling about the way he was feeling.

"Go. Go" Lucas shouted at the television as he saw his favorite player steal the ball and lay it up for an easy basket. Nathan slapped his brother's hand as Fergie, Junk, and Skillz were all cheering.

"And that makes the Tar Heels lead by 11 now" Mouth announced. The girls were busy eating and chatting away on the table. They were watching the game just not so intently like the guys.

"He looks good" Haley told Peyton.

"It's the best he's been. Just please don't jinx it." she said watching her husband more than the game.

"So what got him like this?" Brook asked.

"I think at first he was making an effort. Wanting to help, I guess try to make the most out of it. But a few times tonight I saw him really smile. I just don't think he is thinking about everything that has been troubling him. Like his mind just stopped thinking. I honestly don't know how long it will last. A few nights in the hospital he would be like this. He would hold me and talk to me and then the next second he would completely shut me out. Anytime reality hit him was when it happened. But today was the first time I saw him make some kind of effort."

"Well that's good" Brooke said.  
"Yea, but he doesn't have much patience, so I'm sure the tiniest thing could set him off."

"At least he is ok now" Haley said.

"Beers must be helping him loosen up" Peyton said half joking. Brooke and Haley smiled.

"By the way how are you feeling?" Brooke asked.

"You were sick?" Haley asked.

"I think it was just a bug. I haven't puked in a few days so I think it's gone"

"Well that's good" Brooke said.

"Probably all the stress and pressure" Haley concluded.

"Yea" she said looking at Lucas again.

"Damn man. Can't believe they were down by 23 in the half and now are ahead by 11" Nathan said.

"Ah man, the fucking announcer predicted Gators would blow them out" Skillz said.

"Announcers don't know shit dude" Lucas said. Peyton got off her chair and went behind him bending down wrapping her arms around his chest. He looked at the side to see her and laughed thinking about the statement he just said.

"How many times you gonna say it?" she smiled.

"As many times it takes just to annoy you" he said sticking his tongue out at her. She grabbed his beer drinking the small amount of liquid that remained in the bottle.

"Thanks for the beer honey" she says teasing.

"Oh no prob Peyt. Anytime." he said sarcastically rolling away from her to get grab the beer from the fridge. "Getting a beer, anyone want?" he shouted for everyone to hear.

"I'll take one" Skillz said.

"Yea man, me too" Junk and Fergie said together. Opening the fridge he grabbed the 6 pack handing one to Skillz, Junk, and Fergie leaving the rest on the table. Peyton sat on the chair next to her husband.

"What number is that?" she asked quietly so no one could hear.

"Only three." he said kissing her cheek. "Don't worry". She nodded and turned back to the tv watching the last few minutes of the game.

The game was over and everyone was satisfied with the way the championship ended. After talking about how exciting it was and their favorite part, most of everyone left. Brooke was spending the night in their guest room and Nathan and Haley were both up for a movie. It hadn't been the five of them hanging out in what seemed to be a really long time. They all agreed on Rudy; it seemed to fit with the whole sports theme going on that night and none of them had seen it in awhile.

"You guys want some popcorn?" Lucas asked.

"Yea, that sounds great" Nathan said.

"I'll have some" said Brooke.

"Alright, great" he said going into the kitchen getting two bags of popcorn out of the cabinet.

"Hey Luke, let me help you with that." Haley said starting to get up.

"No, no. I got it. I'm fine" he said.

"Yea, Lucas. Maybe someone should help you with that" Brooke said also getting up.

"Yea, man." Nathan agreed.

Staring at them, he started to get a bit agitated that everyone was treating him like a child. He got that feeling that he tend to get in the pit of his stomach like they were treating him like some old cripple. But he was he thought. All the thinking going in his mind was certainly not helping. "I can use a microwave guys" he fake laughed not wanting to show how restless he was becoming.

"Luke, let me just get you the bowl so you…" Peyton started.

"Peyton" he said interrupting her. "I'm fine" he said in a harsh tone that everyone was able to hear.

She looked at him still unconvinced. "Alright" she said reluctantly going back to sit on the chair.

Opening the bag he put it inside the microwave. He pressed popcorn, just a few minutes later the microwave beeped. Opening the microwave he grabbed the bag with his index and thumb careful not to burn himself putting it on the counter. He got the second package of popcorn and did the same thing. 5 people, two bags is plenty he thought. So far so good. Grabbing the easily accessible bowl in the lower cabinet he poured one popcorn bag in there. Looking for another glass bowl he couldn't find it. Reaching up, he was able to open the upper cabinet, and there was the second glass bowl. Grabbing the counter he was able to hold himself up with one hand and extend the other to reach for the glass bowl. As his hand slipped reaching for the bowl it dropped and shattered all over the floor causing him to slip and fall back into his wheelchair. Rolling back a few feet because of his sudden weight coming on the chair, he banged his head against the opposite edge of the countertop. "FUCK" he cried out rubbing his head. The noise of the glass and the cursing word followed thereafter caused all four of them to get to their feet and rush to see what happened.

"Luke…you ok?" Peyton ran by his side ignoring the broken glass pieces on the floor.

"Shit, what happened?" Nathan asked.

"Lucas" both girls said running in the kitchen. Looking at all four of them surrounding him, he felt helpless. Like a fucking cripple. They were right; he failed to make a simple batch of popcorn.

"Fine" he said still rubbing his head.

"Hey, what's wrong with your head?" Peyton asked looking at the back of it. As soon when he touched it, he moved quickly away, backing up his wheelchair away from them.

"I said it's fine" he snapped.

"Lucas…" Haley said calling him as he rolled away towards his room. But Nathan ran following him.

"Hey Man! What's your problem? We were just worried. Just chill out" he said annoyed with his brother's attitude.

"Chill out? Just shut up man. Do you have any fucking clue how easy you have it? Just by walking you are already ahead of me. Imagine not being able to play basketball for the rest of your life? Look at you with your god damn perfect life, and perfect kid, and perfect wife. I can't bear children. I can't make love to my wife. I can't get dressed on my own let alone clean myself up. My wife has to do all that for me. I'm fucking helpless and useless. Every day I am reminded of everything I can't do and every single disadvantage I'm at. Today, was the one day I didn't feel like a damn cripple, and that I actually could make an effort to make things alright. But look at me. I try to make popcorn and I almost kill my self just wanting to prove to all of you that I can take care of myself. But I can't. I can't escape this. And you want me to fucking chill out?" By this point, Peyton was sitting on the couch her face in her hands astonished by everything he said. A surprised Brooke and Haley who heard every word realized just how hard it was for Peyton and Lucas. As he looked at Nathan he had tears filled up his eyes and beyond that were both girls crying as well. "And everyone fucking pities me. My wife pities me. You pity me. I see it in your damn eyes. I have the feeling that my life is good as dead. That it wouldn't have made a difference in the world if that fucking driver killed me that night right then and there. These are the thoughts I have running through my mind Nathan. So to answer your question, that's my fucking problem" he was finished. Going inside his room he shut the door. Peyton couldn't bear to look at Lucas. As much as she wanted to be there for him, there was no way in hell she could talk to him after realizing what he just said. All eyes were on Peyton trying to read her reaction. All of a sudden that nauseous feeling came running back, so she ran to the bathroom to relieve it. Brooke went after her to see if she was alright.

"You ok?"

"I'm fine" she said. "But he isn't"

"He will be. Everything will be ok, he just needs time" by the tone of her voice even she didn't believe it.

"I love you for trying Brooke. But it's not. My husband just admitted he would rather be dead. And it's all my fault. It's all my fucking fault."

"Peyton, what are you talking about?"

"I was driving" she said looking up at her best friend who looked absolutely shocked about what was going through her mind. "So much for a good day"

A/N: Well yea. I sorta just wrote. I'm not sure where I'm gonna take the story from here. Got another major storyline to add. Just honestly have no idea when I will ud next. So I made it longer than usual instead of splitting up the chap. I'll try to get something done in the second week of August (may be the only time I actually have breathing room) if not…absolutely no idea. Sorry. Oh! Btw decided to make changes to titles. Pretty sure all are gonna be song titles.


	6. Cry Baby

A/N: some of you guys seemed to be confused about the ending of the last chapter. So I wanted to make it clear just in case others were also confused. Peyton was in the drivers seat driving Lucas somewhere. Another car (drunk driver) hit them on the passenger's side. I think a few of you thought Peyton was the drunk driver…I'm sorry if that wasn't clear in the other chapters but she was definitely not the drunk driver. Also, some asked why would Peyton think it's her fault. Even though, it isn't really her fault (drunk drivers fault) she is putting the blame on herself…that she could have avoided it somehow. She feels guilty that she came out without a scratch and her husband cannot walk for the rest of his life. I just feel like it's a natural reaction for someone to have. I guess that's just the way I see it. Hopefully, that clarified everything. If you have any more lingering questions, just ask.

Violently and aggressively, he made his way to his night stand grabbing the amber colored bottle out of the drawer. Tears streaming down his face he ripped open the paper surrounding the cap with his teeth spitting it out on the floor. He took off the cap and threw it across the room; no need for a cap if he was going to drink the whole thing right there and then. Dewars, his new best friend. A stinging sensation ran down his throat as he forced the warm liquid down. The cutting sensation ran through his whole body reaching his mind, his soul, and finally his heart. The last image in his head was the face of his wife. Taking another gulp he attempted to get her face out of his head but it was no use. His wife's sympathetic face and fragile body on that couch was all he could think about. It wasn't only the fact he completely shut her out, but also how he made her feel just as useless and pathetic as him. He knew he hurt her more than he ever could, but it didn't matter to him. He was numb all over again. He was pissed as hell at the world, and didn't care who he hurt even if it was his wife. If he didn't care then why was he drinking his problems away? Why couldn't he get his wife's face out of his mind? Why did he feel guilty about everything he said? He wanted so badly to face her and hold her and give her everything she deserved, everything he wasn't able to provide her, but he knew he just couldn't.

Peyton sat down on the cold, tiled bathroom floor after relieving her aching stomach. It felt better each time her body gave in to the sickening illness she got over a month ago. However, her heart was still flawed; her husband's choice of words continued to haunt her. She felt useless as a wife; she couldn't even take care of her husband.

The guilty feeling was caught up in her stomach again which she relieved for the thousandth time in the past five minutes. How could she leave that car without a scratch and he came out paralyzed? It shouldn't have been that way. If she just waited one millisecond to start that car, to put on the engine, to press her foot on the gas then none of this would be happening. She wondered why people said everything happens for a reason. Especially when her husband admitted he would have rather died in that accident.

Brooke held her hair up and patted her back as her best friend basically puked out all of her insides. Her mind was also haunted with the last words Peyton said. She wanted to say something, wanted to ask why in hell she would think Lucas' condition was her fault. She needed to get more in Peyton's head and break down the wall she put up. However, Brooke's thoughts were disrupted by a knock on the bathroom door. Slowly Brooke got on her feet and opened the door for a worried Nathan who caught site of his friend on her knees shaking and still crying uncontrollably. Grabbing her arm he helped her stand up allowing her into his arms. Brooke walked past them as Haley just stared at her looking for some hope that their friend was ok. She noticed the worried and scared look that was plastered all over Brooke's face.

"Brooke, what's wrong?"

"She thinks this is her fault" she said quietly looking for Haley's reaction.

"What?" Haley said confused.

"This. Lucas. She thinks it's her fault." she explained before making her way to the couch with Haley closely following behind her.

"Do you think I should check up on him?" Brooke just looked at her not sure what to say.

"Maybe you could try. I don't know what it will do"

"I'll be back" she said making her way to his bedroom.

She knocked on the door but heard no answer. After a second knock she finally heard his voice.

"Come in" he said. She noticed the crack in his voice and that he had been crying. He was sitting in his wheelchair staring out the dark window. She noticed the open container on top of his night stand. "Peyt, I'm sorry" was all he could come up with as Haley slowly walked and sat on the bed.

"It's me Luke" his best friend said. He quickly looked and noticed it wasn't his wife right there by his side.

"Gave up on me already?" he said bitterly speaking about his wife.

"You wouldn't want to see that state she is in right now. I have never seen her like this Luke."

"I know. I saw her face ok? I didn't mean to say it all. I just didn't care at the moment." He looked away again and drank another sip of the scotch.

"I know your pissed Luke. I know…"

"No Haley." He cut her off. "You don't" he looked her straight in the eyes.

"I'm trying Luke. Your wife hasn't stopped trying. What do you want us to do?"

"Nothing" he raised his voice more than he intended. "You can't do anything and neither can I. I tried today and look how well that turned out."

"So drinking is the answer?"

"If it means I can forget about all this shit for awhile…then yea." He says quietly before taking another sip of his drink.

"I love you Luke" she said wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him on the cheek which caused his tears to start falling. "It's killing me to see you like this. Listen, I know you don't deserve this but neither does Peyton." Lucas just stared quietly at his best friend and looked away. "If you want me to go just say the word" but instead it was quiet neither one breaking the silence. He didn't want to be alone; he didn't want to face his wife either. He just didn't want to be the person he had become.

Sitting against the bathroom wall she laid her head against Nathan's shoulder. As she thought about the sequence of events that night entailed her tears continued harder than before. Nathan pushed her closer to his chest but she pushed him away rubbing all the tears in her eyes. "Nathan…Nathan…I'm fine" she lied for the thousandth time. "I have to go talk to him. Be there for him." She said getting up but he pulled her right back down.

"Peyton. Relax. You can be vulnerable too. You don't always have to be the strong one."

"I'm fine Nathan." She said looking away from him getting frustrated.

"No. you're not. And it's ok not to be" he said looking into her eyes. "You don't have to do this alone. Haley went to go check on him. Talk to me" he said. "What are you thinking?" she takes a deep breath and shifts her eyes from his eyes to the tile floor. She rests her head on the wall behind her realizing she needed to get some of this out before her body just exploded.

"I'm useless Nate. I am useless to my damn husband. He doesn't care about his life anymore." She says it nonchalantly just as he did moments ago.

"Peyton…" he tries but she continues but this time with a lot more emotion and anger.

"He just doesn't care about anything. He doesn't care if he is hurting me or you or his best friend. He…"

"Of course he does" he cuts her off. "He is in the darkest place he has ever been in. He didn't mean any of that Peyton and you just have to believe that. It's a miracle he is alive, and he is going to realize that one day"

"That's it. That's what pisses me off the most Nathan. The fact that he could have died and I was just happy to know he was alive. That I would be able to speak to him and be with him; that it wasn't over. But he…I don't think he sees that Nate. And it hurts"

"He is taking a whole bunch of things for granted right now" she just nods in agreement.

"I don't know if I can face him" she admitted sheepishly.

"Why?"

"Do you think he thinks this is all my fault?" it was the first time she formed what she had been thinking into words. She needed to know. She was afraid to ask him in fear of the answer.

"What?" he said not sure if he understood what she was asking.

"I was driving Nate. I walked out of that car with absolutely nothing on me and he…he can't even walk for the rest of his life. He probably thinks…"

"Peyton…stop. You're talking nonsense. If he believes that then he is a jackass. This is not your fault" he said looking her directly in her eyes. "Hey. Do you understand me?" she looks him in the eyes and nods. "He doesn't think that. He wouldn't think like that."

"How can you be sure Nate? Because that is the only thing I have been thinking about"

"Why haven't you asked Peyt?"

"First of all he won't even talk to me. Secondly, I am scared to death of the answer" she says.

"Do you blame Peyton?" Haley said breaking the silence. She had to ask even if she wasn't supposed to. He turned to her and just looked at her. With the scotch getting to him a bit he had to process what she was saying.

"What?" he asked.

"This." She motions to his state. "Do you blame your wife for it?"

"Why in the hell would I blame her" he shakes his head trying to figure it out. "No, of course not. Not for a second. Why?" he asked still not staring away from Haley trying to read what she knows.

"Nothing. I was just wondering" he could sense she wasn't telling the truth.

"Haley. Why?" he said seriously looking her into the eyes.

"She feels guilty Luke. She thinks it's her fault" he just looks at her dumbfounded.

Her head still laid on the shoulder of her good friend. "He loves you" he whispers in her ear. "Just remember that Peyton". She listened to what he had to say and felt thankful for having him in her life. Just then there was a knock on the door and Haley walked in.

"Hey. Sorry. Lucas asked for you Peyt" Haley said looking down at the fragile women who still looked sick to her stomach. Peyton started to get up and so did Nathan.

"You gonna be ok?" he asked her. She just nodded making her way to the sink. She cleans her face and inside her mouth not wanting Lucas to see what state she is in. She looks herself in the mirror and then takes a deep breath before heading out to the bedroom.

"Hey you" she says walking inside to see Lucas in bed with the backboard supporting his back

"Hey" he said. "Thanks for coming" he continued as she walked to her side of the bed.

"You been drinking?" she asked. There was no site of alcohol but she knew him better than that.

"A bit. How'd you know?" he looked around to make sure nothing was in site.

"I just know you, that's all" she says sitting on the bed. "How are you?"

"Not too hot. I don't know what to say Peyton about before…"

"You don't have to say anything Luke. You were pissed and…"

"No wait. Just let me finish. I just want you to know that I have been feeling guilty about it the entire time. I couldn't get your face out my mind. I know what I did and the pain I caused you when I said those things. I couldn't stop thinking about it since I stormed in here. I just need you to know that." He says pausing. "And just know I don't blame you for any of this. That didn't even cross my mind Peyton. It's the situation I'm pissed at. What in the fuck did I do to deserve this? And that drunken asshole who shouldn't have been on the goddamn road. And myself too. Every morning I wake up hating myself. But it's never you. Not even for a second." Peyton just nods to everything she hears with a few tears escaping her eyes as he spills out what he had been thinking. Must have been the scotch that had gotten him to open up all this information.

"What do you want me to do for you? Please. Just tell me. I'll do anything" she says sitting closer to him staring in his eyes for answers.

"There is nothing you can do for me." he answers truthfully. She looks at his empty eyes and relates to the exact same feeling. They were both numb, hurt, and empty as the dark silence suffocated the room. She just laid next to him watching him drift off to sleep.

The next two weeks hadn't been too chaotic, but they weren't great either. Peyton only went to work for an hour a day, and did the rest in her studio at her home. She wanted to make herself available to Lucas the entire rest of the day even though he would never admit that he needed her. She tried her hardest to make him open up to her, and at times he would talk to her and tell her what was in his mind, but other times he barely said more than two words to her. At moments she could see the same old Lucas, the guy she fell in love with. Peyton knew she couldn't go on like this forever. It was still getting to her emotionally and physically. His words from that dreadful night stuck and had a stinging affect on Peyton's heart and soul; she wanted him so badly to realize things could have been worse and that he was lucky to be alive. She was also still trying to fight off the virus that she inherited over a month ago. She had no time to take care of herself. Every second she gave him everything she had, and gotten nothing in return. She missed him, more than he could possibly ever know. She kept her needs aside and convinced herself things would get better.

After puking for the 3rd time that night she plopped herself on the couch next to Lucas who had a beer in one hand and the remote in the other.

"Still sick?" he looked at her and asked.

"I'm fine" she said with a smile and looked back at the television screen.

"You're lying." He said not looking away from her just reading her thoughts and facial expression like he does so damn well.

"It's just a flu. You don't need to worry" she said trying to push it aside like it wasn't a big deal.

"It's been over a month Peyton." She looks at him surprisingly and couldn't believe he was actually noticing. "Look. I know I am closing the world off right now Peyton. But it doesn't mean I'm not worried about you." He says sincerely. She was mesmerized by his piercing blue eyes and she started to tear up and cry. She loved this Lucas. "Peyton?"

"I don't know why I'm crying" she said wiping the tears that came down from her eyes. He rolled his chair right in front of where she was sitting and placed both hands on her knees. She looked up to meet his eyes and just wrapped her arms around his neck as tight as she possibly could. "I miss you Luke" she confesses.

"I miss me too." He admits. "Promise me something?" he says and she loosens her arms and looks at him again. "You'll see a doctor tomorrow." She nods in agreement. "We need to get you better." He says before kissing her forehead.

"We need to get you better too Luke" she says. For awhile it was silent. He didn't want to talk about his situation, it was apparent.

"Thank you" he says.

"For what?"

"For just being yourself Peyt, for being patient and staying. It means the world." She just nods before wrapping her arms around his neck once again.

"Thanks for coming with me Brooke" she says waiting for her named to be called. "Luke made me promise him I would get myself checked out" she said.

"Well good thing. You need to take care of yourself too" Peyton just nods. "So how is he?"

"Same. Usually he won't say much when he is deep in thought, but sometimes he comes out. I can tell by the look in his eyes. He did that yesterday, and when he does it's great. He is great." She says smiling and Brooke just smiles back.

"Mrs. Scott" the nurse says out loud. Peyton gets up and makes her way to the nurse.

A few hours later she made her way back home to find Lucas by himself watching Seinfeld laughing at all the parts he knew by heart.

"Hey you" he says as she walks closer towards him.

"Hey" she said going behind him playing with his hair and kissing him on the cheek.

"Where have you been?" he looks at her while also paying attention to the show.

"Haley's been here to check up on you right?" she says ignoring his question. Her mind wasn't with her; at the moment she just wanted to make sure he was ok.

"Oh yea. Hales came by a few times. So where were you?" he asks again this time wanting an answer.

"Everything ok?" she asks taking a seat right next to him. He grabs her hand and kisses it nodding.

"I'm ok. You don't always have to be worrying you know. I love you" he said. Damn. That was good to hear. It had been awhile since he said that to her. She lies against his chest when she hears what her husband had to say; her body overcoming with happiness. Maybe telling him wouldn't be so bad after all. "Are you ever going to stop ignoring the question?" he asks cutting into the silence.

"I thought you would have forgot."

"Not for a second" he says staring down at her as she rested her head on his lap. Fulfilling my promise" she said with not much emotion and trying to avoid eye contact. "Brooke came with me."

"You ok?" he asks with a sense of worry.

"I'm pregnant Lucas" she says staring him dead in the eye.


	7. Brain Damage

Pregnant. The word ringed in his ears and his mouth became very dry. His eyes drifted and looked down at the state of condition he was in. He looked back at his wife who was still staring trying to read his mind and his thoughts. It was no use. His mind was blank and he felt numb. He didn't know how he was supposed to react, what he was supposed to say, or what he was supposed to do. A month ago if he heard this news, he would have been absolutely ecstatic. He would have shed a few tears, kissed his wife, and then taken her out to celebrate. Funny how things can change in a matter of a month.

A whole minute passed which seemed like an eternity for Peyton who wanted him to say something to make her feel better; something that would give her some ounce of hope.

"Please." She said breaking the silence like a knife. "Say something Luke" she looked into his eyes as her eyes glistened with tears. He looked into her eyes and she could tell he was angry, scared, and nervous all at once.

"How far are you?" he asked softly. He didn't care. What would that have honestly mattered? He just needed to say something.

"4 weeks, 2 days" she said softly. She looked at him knowing what his next comment and thought would be.

"That was the last time we…" he said thinking about that wonderful night. Thinking about it made him sick to his stomach.

"Yea. Yea it was. I guess we really made it count" she said light heartedly but he didn't smirk or lighten up. "How do you feel Luke?" she asked seriously.

"I'm shocked, you know" He says with urgency and passion in his voice.

"I was too Luke. I wasn't expecting this."

"But then again, we have been wanting this for so long." He says with so much emotion and anger. "I've wanted this with you since…forever. And when I proposed to you this is what I imagined. A family. But…" he tries to think of the right words to say but nothing comes out. He shakes his head in frustration.

"But what?" he just stays quiet. "But what baby?" she asks again putting her hand on his cheek.

"I'm not the same guy Peyton." He flinches away from her and raises his voice more than he intended. "I know it. And you know it too. I see it in your eyes. It's why you were reluctant with telling me this. It shouldn't be this way." She doesn't know what to say after this. She looks away from him and rethinks everything. Where the hell were they supposed to go from here? "What about you?" he asks as he finally calms down. She looks at him waiting for him to clarify. "How do you feel about all this?" he wanted to know where her head was at too.

"I was at first really happy. Incredibly shocking but I thought it was a miracle, you know?"

"And now?"

"Honestly?" she asks.

"Honestly" he nods.

"I'm still happy Luke. I don't want to feel guilty about that either. I've wanted this for a long time too. And I wanted it with you. I still do. But I need you to want it back. I need you to be there Luke." She admits honestly. He understood what she needed, but he realized he couldn't do it, not now at least. He just looks at her with his empty, soulless, cold, blue eyes.

"_How in the hell could you do that to me?" Peyton storms in to her boyfriend's apartment to find Lucas on the couch sitting with his head in his hands. _

"_Peyton, not now. Alright?" he says looking up at her with his pleading eyes. _

"_Not now? What the fuck Luke? I've been trying so hard to get this promotion to be head in designing, but you don't get that do you?" _

"_Of course I do"_

"_Yea, well it looked otherwise when you were acting like a straight jackass to both my bosses."_

"_You didn't show Peyt. You didn't call. I come in and you're with both your guy bosses…"_

"_So it was over jealousy?" she cuts him off. "You storm in my office and start yelling at me for missing dinner all because your jealous of two 40 year old men."_

"_It wasn't just dinner Peyton. And I wasn't jealous. I had a fucked up day in case you're interested. I have been looking forward to tonight well for a long time. So coming in your office to see two assholes all up in your ass did not help the equation."_

"_What happened?" she asked in frustration._

"_I am at a writer's block. My boss is riding my ass, and giving me this impossible deadline. I was so caught up that I ran a red light and with my luck a police officer was right behind me. Got a $200 ticket. I haven't seen you in a day and I felt like I was going to lose it. I couldn't wait to see you and hold you. I needed you today and when you didn't show and you didn't call I just lost it. I knew this job was important to you. I was wrong to take it out on you, and I feel like a jackass right now." He says seriously looking at her. His excuse made sense to her; besides, she couldn't stay mad at him. "What did you tell them?" he asked worried about her future with her company. His worry and concern further made her feel better and helped to calm her down. _

"_Nothing. I tried to put you and us in the back of my mind and get on with the job, but it was no use. They told me to go home till I fixed things. Apparently they think I get my creative flow from you" she admits shamelessly smiling. He just looks at her smiling before looking back at the ground. "And then" she starts and he looks back up. "And then, um John offered me the promotion, the raise, and everything" she says ecstatic. _

"_What?" he said. "Peyton…" he embraces her in a hug. "That's great. You really deserve it." Still holding on to her he finally moves out and looks at her. "So why in the hell did you come in here screaming, I thought you lost your job."_

"_Because you storm in my office acting like you didn't trust me. Like you thought I was cheating on you because I missed dinner and didn't call. And the thought of that pissed me off. I'm sorry you had a bad day and I wasn't there" she said leaning back on his body and putting her arms around him. "Writer's block happens Luke. You're not the only one, and you'll get through it." She said sincerely holding his hand tightly. "When's your deadline?"_

"_End of the week"_

"_Well enjoy tonight. Relax, and get working tomorrow. Don't overstress Luke. Not worth it and especially for your heart" she said. He leaned down to kiss her lightly on the lips. _

"_Thanks" he said as she just nods playing with his hair. "Well, you're day turned out good" he said smiling placing his hands on her hips._

"_Yea, because of you. You have no idea how you affect me Luke. Believe it or not you're all I think about. You affect my moods, my work, everything." she said staring him in the eyes. He pulled her to him and kissed her holding onto her waist. Bringing one hand up he stroked her chin and cheek before briefly breaking off the kiss. Staring at each other's eyes they were both thinking the same thing. _

"_You too" he said referring to her previous confession as he then kissed her again fulfilling the needs and desire in both their hearts. He gently slid his tongue in her mouth as she happily accepted. He put his hands on her neck which further intensified the kiss on both ends. She made her way on his lap, straddling his waist while he comfortably placed his hands on her ass. In the need for breath, the two young lovers stopped looking at one another in the eyes inhaling the much needed oxygen. Peyton leaned in for more when Lucas moved his head kissing her once on the neck then again at the cheek. Peyton looked at him wondering why he stopped so soon. _

"_Are you ok?" she asks. "What's wrong?"_

"_Nothing" he smiles. "You're perfect. And this, this is perfect. I don't know how you do it, but you made my problems of the day seem so unimportant. Only problem is when I'm not with you because you're all I think about too." He says seriously looking at her eyes. _

"_Good" she said about to lean in to kiss him but he stops her holding up his hand. _

"_Wait…" he said. "I need to say this." She nods letting him continue. "Every day Peyton I look forward to seeing you. To tell you what an awful day I had. To do this" he says motioning to them smiling which causes her to giggle. "To just sit with you and hold you." He said tightly wrapping his arms around her. _

"_Luke I know how you feel about me, and I feel…" he puts his finger on her lips which causes her to stop in the middle of her sentence. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny black box._

"_Marry me" he says opening it up. At the sight of this tears fill up Peyton's eyes and she smiles wildly before nodding and wrapping her arm around his neck. She looks at him and kisses him lightly still excited. Seemed like everything went in slow motion at that point on. He put on the ring on her finger before they embraced one another again. _

_Lying on his shoulder she could sense he fell asleep. She playing with the diamond ring on her finger twisting it and smiling thinking about how it was one of the best nights of her life. _

Twisting and turning her diamond ring, she lied on the couch alone. The sounds advertisements on some balding cream played in the dark, hollow apartment. She had no idea where her husband was or for that matter, what in the hell he was doing. She gently put her hand over her stomach and started crying. For the first time since he put that ring on her finger, she felt so alone that it made her sick to her stomach. Finally looking at her watch she realized it was 2am. Getting up she made her way into the room and saw Lucas staring out the window with a bottle of scotch in one hand. The sight of Lucas in the dark drinking away his problems showed Peyton what she refused to see for the past 4 weeks; that all hope was gone. She wasn't going to get that guy anymore. The guy that would think about her constantly and care so much about their relationship that he would give up anything just to keep it from breaking. It dawned on her in that very moment that her life made a complete 180 and that things were going to have to change.

His drunken state became more and more intensified with every gulp of scotch that ran down as his throat. Leaving Peyton on the couch alone didn't seem to bother him at all. The sound of Pink Floyd and the intensity in his Johnny Walker, his second scotch bottle, alienated him from the rest of the world. He didn't want to think of the current news his wife brought to him, he didn't want to think about his current situation; all he wanted was to give his mind, his brain a rest. The alcohol and psychedelic music invaded his head in such a way it made him feel better.

_**And if the dam breaks open many years too soon**_

_**And there is no room upon the hill**_

_**And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too**_

_**Ill see you on the dark side of the moon.**_

Knocking on the door, his hypnotic trance was broken. Turning towards his wife, he noticed the disappointed and sad look on her face.

"Lucas…Why?" she asks looking at him with her pleading, watering eyes.

"Peyton just stop" he says looking away from her not wanting to see her.

"Why in the fuck are you doing this?" a tear escaped. She didn't yell she was just desperate to know.

"Peyton…" he still avoided eye contact with her.

"You won't talk to me, you won't even look at me." She said lightly with more tears coming down. "You just left me alone. How could you do that? And now your fucking drunk?" she was finally right next to him staring at him, forcing him to make eye contact with her. "What happened to this promise Lucas?" she said sincerely showing him the ring on her kneeling down right by his side.

"Please…Please" he said moving his wheel chair back and facing the other direction. "Ju just stop" he says slurring his words out of his mouth. Moving to the stereo he turned it up not leaving the bottle of scotch out of his hands.

_**The lunatic is in my head.**_

_**The lunatic is in my head.**_

His head was spinning but it didn't matter, he chugged the last few remains of the dark-amber liquid until it was all gone. Dropping the bottle, the glass shattered everywhere. His head bobbed down because of the amount of alcohol he had just consumed.

"Lucas…what the fuck…are you alright?" she knelt down him again and she put her hand on his head.

_**You raise the blade, you make the change.**_

_**You re-arrange me till I'm sane. **_

Using all the strength in him he lifted up his face having direct eye contact with his wife. Tears streamed down his eyes when he saw his wife's expression. She wasn't mad or angry just unbelievably sad. He had never seen her this way, and he caused it all. What happened to him?

_**You lock the door, and throw away the key.**_

_**There's someone in my head but it's not me.**_

"I'm I'm so-sorry" was all he could say. "I I'm so s-so soooo sorry" he said it again and continued saying it. Tears didn't stop coming out from both their eyes.

"Just stop Lucas. Stop doing this to yourself. Stop doing this to me." She said so softly. She was worried about him, but she had no fucking idea what to do. She couldn't deal with this. His head fell backwards; he couldn't keep it up any longer. He was about loose consciousness so Peyton helped him to bed and put the covers on top of him. It didn't take long for him to pass out. She cleaned up the broken glass that remained on the floor. Not more than an hour later did he wake up and throw up all over the floor. Peyton cleaned that up too. Taking a shower it was already 4 in the morning. There was no point in sleeping at that point.

_**And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear. **_

_**You shout and no one seems to hear. **_

Alone, she went back to the couch. Flipping through channels, she was desperate to find something that would take her mind off everything. It was useless. She turned off the tv and stared at the black screen for another two hours deeply thinking of what she was going to do and what she was going to say to her husband. She knew her life couldn't continue the way it was heading. Their relationship and her husband's life hit rock bottom. And he didn't even seem to care.

_**And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too**_

_**Ill see you on the dark side of the moon**_

He didn't care what he was doing to her and the life that was growing inside her. She would have never imagined Lucas' reaction to her being pregnant would involve an entire bottle of scotch and being alienated from the rest of the world to forget about what she told him. He wouldn't even open up to her let alone look at her. She had to get away. Picking up her purse she left their apartment.


	8. Bends

_Valentine's Day. It was their first Valentine's Day as a married couple. They both despised the holiday. They thought it was a day of forced obligation to tell the other how much they love him or her by giving them an abundant amount of cards, candy, and gifts. It was stupid. _

_But that didn't mean they weren't going to enjoy their day. Lucas decided to take the day off and make Peyton an authentic Scott dinner with candles, roses, and her favorite food. Peyton had been swamped with work for the past two weeks working on this biggest project she has ever done. It was finally done, and she was able to put work in the back of her mind for the first time that month. Walking up behind him, she put her hands around his waist. He smiled as he kept stirring the tomato sauce he had been preparing the entire day. _

"_Hey you" he said turning his head around as Peyton stole a quick kiss from him._

"_I bought something for you" she said coming around to his side. _

"_Peyton" he said staring at her. "What happened to Valentine's Day is a stupid holiday? What happened to not getting each other anything?" he said mocking her exact words she said the night before. _

"_Shut up Luke" She said laughing at him. "It was sweet that you took the day off to cook for me. So I wanted to get you something small. Besides I would have bought it on any other day. I'm just trying to be the nice wife saying I got you something." She said honestly._

"_Thanks, now I feel special." He says sarcastically turning back to his sauce. She leans and kisses him on the cheek. _

"_Can you wait to see what I got before you get all touchy?" She said softly knowing he would be somewhat pleased with her gift. _

"_Fine. Let me have it" He said turning towards her closing his eyes. Grabbing the cd, she placed it on his hands. He opened his eyes and looked down. "Are you serious?" He said looking her in the eyes. "This wasn't supposed to come out for another few months." He continued still surprised at the album he got._

"_I have my ways." _

"_Well we have to listen to it while me make food" he said opening up the album. "Still can't believe Radiohead came out with a new album after five years" he handed her the cd and she put it in their stereo. "Bends will still be my favorite album by them." He confessed._

"_Hell yes. Fake Plastic Trees. Song is so real and depressing, and you can just hear it in Thom Yorke's voice. Life just gets that way sometimes. And it's like he is speaking out to me, to you, to everyone." Lucas just nodded in agreement as Peyton pressed play. _

_She made her way back to Lucas; leaning into the stove, she pulled her hair back and smelled the sauce. Lucas took notice to what she was wearing: a tight red shirt that fit her perfectly in all the right places and her short black skirt. He looked down noticing the legs that first drew him to her when he was just a teenage boy. Then the smell of Peyton's hair was enough for her husband; it was an intoxication. He turned her around pulling her right into his body, a perfect fit. Their lips were inches away and they just stared into one another's eyes. Their lips crashed with one another, their tongues having a mind of their own. Minutes later they pulled back, leaning their foreheads on one another. "What was that for?" she whispered softly no moving away from his. _

"_I couldn't help it. I missed you all day. And looking the way you do…" he said making her blush. _

"_Stop" she said hitting him. "It's just you haven't kissed me that way in awhile Luke. And it seemed pretty urgent" she said honestly. "Is everything ok?"_

"_What do you mean?" he said going back to the stove trying his sauce. "Mmm, here Peyt try this" he said scooping up a spoon of the pasta sauce. He blew on it carefully and fed the spoon to Peyton._

"_Wow." She said. "Pretty damn good." She admitted as she licked her lips._

"_I know. Do you think it needs a bit more salt? Because I think it does." He started to ramble but she quickly cut him off. _

"_Luke. Stop. The sauce is great. You avoiding the subject isn't. Seems like you've been doing it all week. I've ignored it, pretended like it wasn't there because I was focusing on my project. But that's over. We both know there is something on your mind" She said thinking back to the past week when she would come home late at night and wouldn't get much more than a quick peck on the lips. It was very unlike Lucas. _

"_How do you do that?" he asked with curiosity._

_Peyton laughs for a moment. "The same way you do it Luke. You do it to me all the time. We just know each other too damn well. So…"_

"_Peyton, I love you, you know that right" He began with the eight worse words to ever start a conversation. Oh god, she didn't like the sound of this. She just nodded waiting for him to continue. "Well I was at the Rivercourt the other day and there was this girl…"_

"_Did you cheat on me?" she said interrupting him joking around with her question._

"_Funny, Peyton." He said. "Anyways this girl was 8" he said smirking at Peyton who just smiled. "And her dad was teaching her how to shoot the basketball. He would carry her and the ball would just sink in." He said looking at Peyton for a response._

"_Alright" Peyton looked at him unsure where he was getting at._

"_And when we were at Nathan and Haley's the other day. The way they had to put Jamie back to bed and read him a story. Do you see what I'm getting at?"_

"_Maybe" she lied._

"_I want a family Peyton. I want two or three kids. I want to teach them how to play basketball, I wanna read them stories, I wanna check under their beds for monsters. I know were both settling in our careers and I know you have been busy with your work and your project but I can't help but want that with you as soon as possible. It's just what I envisioned when we got married. And I just think it's weird that it hasn't come up since we got married. Because while we were dating it was all you talked about. You picked out names and colors of their rooms and everything Peyt." He looked directly into her eyes and paused for a moment. She knew he was right. Everything he said was right. And of course she wanted all that with him, but for some reason there was something holding her back._

"_Luke I still want all of that, and hearing you say all those things makes me want it so much more. Because I know were in this together. I know your going to be a great dad, and I can't wait until that's a reality."_

It was reality now.

It's been nearly eight hours and Lucas was still sound a sleep. The events of the previous night left such implications on him. As he hears the house phone ring for the third time, he finally wakes up. Groggily and still tired, he tries to lift his head up. But he couldn't. He shifted his eyes to center of the room to look at the clock on the wall. 1:00. Damn he thought. AM or PM? He had no fucking idea and no way of knowing. Using all the strength he had, he lifted his head up trying to steal a glance out of the bedroom window. Seeing the light, he realized it was the afternoon. His mind drifted to the other night as he tried so hard to figure out why he drank himself to sleep. Then it hit him. Peyton said he was going to be a father. He looked next to him to see if his wife was still asleep. No sign of her though. He looked for the house phone, but then realized it was in the kitchen.

"Peyton" he screams. But there is no answer. "Peyton" he does it once more but there is no answer. Grabbing his cell phone, he started to dial her number. He put it to his ear waiting for his wife to pick up the phone and talk to him. Hearing a vibration not more than a foot away, he wondered what the hell it was. He looked around and there he noticed Peyton's cell phone on her dresser. Great, he thought. He sighed in frustration and let his head fall back into the pillow. It took him a long, stressful fifteen minutes to get himself on his wheelchair before pushing himself in the kitchen in search for the phone. He looked at the missed called and realized it was Brooke checking up. He didn't feel like calling her back then. He wanted to know where in the fuck his wife was.

After calling everyone they both knew, he gave up. His anger and emotions were getting the best of him, and couldn't help but resent his wife. It was nearly 4:00, and he still heard no word from her. She left no message or indicated to anyone where she would be. He felt cold and bitter; how in the hell could his wife leave him while he was in the state he was in. He grew selfish, and instead of caring about her own well being, he cared about his own. These thoughts began to scare him. This wasn't him. Why in the hell was he feeling so damn selfish? He couldn't think anymore. It was killing him. Grabbing his favorite amber-colored liquor he began to drink. Sip after sip, his thoughts slowly started to vanish. After his fourth sip, he stopped and looked himself in the mirror. 'Who was that?' He thought. Lucas Scott, didn't drink his problems away, he never had in a day of his life. It's crazy how one accident can do so much. He rolled himself in the bathroom and emptied the rest of alcohol in the toilet before flushing it. He then cried at the terrifying, horrid shape he was in.

_**In a town full of rubber plans**_

_**To get rid of itself.**_

_**It wears her out, it wears her out.**_

After spending the past eight hours driving and going to the beach, she finally decided it was time to go back home. She knew Lucas would be wondering where she was since she purposely left the phone at the house. She just needed some time alone where she could collect her thoughts. Her head was in a massive state of fear and confusion. She didn't know what to do with Lucas; she didn't even know what to do with herself. She felt wrong for wanting her baby and for wanting her own husband to want it back. She thought back to all those conversations they would have about kids, and how Lucas used to be so excited to teach his kid how to play basketball. She thought maybe this miracle could open up Lucas' eyes and heart to see what was really there; life. But soon when he found out, he got drunk and secluded himself completely from her. She just wanted him to talk to her, to let her know what exactly he was feeling. She knew she had to go find out, even if the answer wasn't the answer she was wanting.

_**She lives with a broken man**_

_**A cracked polystyrene man**_

_**Who just crumbles and burns. **_

She opened her front door and made her way to the bedroom but there was no sign of Lucas. She noticed another empty bottle of Dewar's on her bed, and already she felt a pang of anger, betrayal, and even worried. "Lucas" she called out. "Lucas" she called out again but no answer. She walks out of the bedroom and there she notices him sitting on the couch watching basketball. "Why in the fuck didn't you answer when I called your name? I was worried." She admitted.

"Like you answered my phone calls when you were gone for half the day. No one knew where the fuck you were Peyton." He says with not much emotion or tone in his voice.

"Obviously looks like you care." She said pointing out to what he was doing. "Getting drunk and watching basketball, it's what you do best." She bitterly added.

"I didn't drink." He said honestly looking up at her eyes.

"No? The empty bottle of scotch happened to empty itself?" Her sarcastic tone didn't change since she got there.

"I emptied it out. I flushed it out. It's the truth" he said bitterly. "Why do you care anyways?" Those words stabbed Peyton like a knife.

"What?" It was the only word that could come out of her mouth. She looked at him confused.

"I mean you just decide to get up and leave last night. No call. No note. I mean you obviously didn't care about me…" He tried to continue but she cut him off.

"You bastard. You fucking bastard" she yelled. "I cleaned up after you the entire night. Scrubbing your throw up, changing your clothes, cleaning up the glasses you broke last night. And you say I don't care? Well fuck you Lucas." She said yelling at her husband. She couldn't believe he was questioning whether she cared or not.

"I didn't know I was such a burden on your life Peyton."

"You know I didn't mean it like that. Why are you pushing me away so fucking much?" she raised her voice wanting a real answer.

"Because I can't be the guy you want me to be Peyton." He screamed. He finally said it. "I'm not that guy anymore. I don't even know who the hell I am." He looked down and away from Peyton. He looked so vulnerable.

_**And it wears him out, it wears him out.**_

_**It wears him out, it wears him out.**_

"Your Lucas Scott. You're the man I fell in love with." She said coming to sit next to him putting her hands on his face. He avoided eye contact with her but she kept trying to get his. "Look at me Luke." She said and he finally does as tears just burst out his eyes. "You've lost your way. I know. You just have to find it again. And I'm going to help you every step of the way. I won't leave you."

"It's not that simple Peyton." He said turning away from her. He got cold, numb, and emotionless again. He was closing himself off and Peyton could feel it. "Your pregnant. You are my wife. I'm supposed to take care of both of you and I can't even take care of myself. Do you know what that feels like Peyton? Because it's the worst feeling a man can have." He pauses as he tried to recollect all the thoughts and feelings that have been within him for so long. The feelings he has needed to get out and verbalize to his wife. He needed to make her understand where exactly his head and his heart were at.

_**But I can't help the feeling**_

_**I could blow through the ceiling**_

_**If I just turn and run.**_

"Lucas, I don't understand why you can't just stop looking at the negative aspects. Look at the good things in front of you and let's try and move on."

"You don't get it Peyton. Imagine getting every passionate drive ripped out of your soul, your body, and your heart. That's what I am right now. When the fucking drunk driver crashed into us, he took a lot more than my ability to walk. He took away my ability to live. I can't be with you anymore Peyton. And do you know how much that kills me? And I know it's killing you."

"Luke, I don't care about that. That's the furthest thing from my mind."

"Well I think about it every goddamn second Peyton. I've lost my ability to be an actual man. You have to take care of me like I'm an infant. You clean me, change me, and it all kills me. I know your doing it because you care. But I can't do this anymore! I can't be the helpless guy who needs to be taken care of every fucking second"

"Then what do you want me to do Lucas?" Her tone of voice was raising as she was getting pissed off more and more by the moment. He just stares at her not knowing what to say. "Luke, things could have been worse."

"No. Not in my eyes Peyton. This is the worse it can get. Feeling like your dead when your not actually dead is the worse feeling someone could have."

_**And it wears me out, it wears me out.**_

_**It wears me out, it wears me out.**_

"Is that really the way you feel Luke? That your dead?" she asked. "How in the fuck do you think that makes me feel? I try everyday to do whatever I can to make you happy. To see you smile. I haven't done anything but be here for you for the past month. And all you can say is you wish you were dead? Well fuck you Lucas. That isn't fair to me."

"The last time I checked Peyton I was the one in the wheelchair." He screamed pointing to the situation he was in.

"I can't do this anymore" and with that she locked herself into her room and cried. She let everything out. She realized Lucas just completely opened up to her, to what he was feeling, but she wasn't sure if that's what she wanted to hear. It killed her to see him that way.

_**And if I could be who you wanted**_

_**If I could be who you wanted**_

_**All the time, all the time.**_

_**Oh, oh.**_

He felt guilty for the last thing he said. Hell he felt guilty for everything he said. He felt so bad for making his wife feel the way she did. But in a way he needed her to know. She needed to know who he was now. She needed to know where he was in this stage in his life. That he wasn't able to be the guy he who he used to be. That he couldn't look at the good things he had in his life and be happy about them because he wasn't even happy with himself. He wasn't Lucas Scott anymore. He would have given anything to be that guy again, even half that guy again. But he realized that, that wasn't possible.

_There was something different about her. He knew there was something that she was deeply insecure about because why else would she just avoid the topic all together. It bothered him that everything else was going perfect, but she wasn't able to be open up about children or starting a family. "There's a 'but' coming in somewhere isn't there" he said waiting for it. She just looked at him and stared with her bright green eyes. She tried to find the right words to start what she was trying to say._

"_Look, I know have been intentionally avoiding the subject since we got married. I'm honestly scared Luke."_

"_Why?"_

"_Honestly." She said and he nodded. "The timing needs to be right. I need to make sure that everything with us is ok. Our careers are stable. And Luke, I'm not sure if I should say this but…"_

"_Just say it Peyton."_

"_Realistically speaking, divorce is so much harder with kids." _

"_Divorce?" he said. "What?!" he said with confusion and slight anger written all over his face. "Since when are we having problems?" He asked laughing as if her previous statement was a joke. But she didn't find it funny._

"_Luke, we have to look at this logically. Over half of married couples end up getting divorced. Odds are not in our favor." She said matter of fact. _

"_Peyton, were not like other couples. Do you see how much we went through? And were able to overcome it all together. It's always been us. And it will always be us. We know so much about each other that were able to read each other's minds Peyton. It's a scary thing sometimes. I didn't think it was possible to know that much about another person. We have been together for what Peyt? 3 or 4 years? Not a single day went by where I didn't wake up thinking I'm the luckiest guy in the world. Love like ours doesn't come around too often Peyton. Relationships likes ours don't come around too often." Peyton just nods knowing everything he said was completely true. "What is up with these new found insecurities Peyt?" he asked knowing that it was extremely unlike her._

"_My bosses husband left her around a month ago. No explanation, it was clearly out of the blue. Just came in one night with divorce papers. She is a wreck Luke. My co-worker, Stacy, you know her" Lucas just nodded. "She cheats on her husband on a daily basis. He doesn't even know. And they have a kid together. And I know you would never do that to me and I know you know I would never ever cheat on you. But I'm just saying it's a scary thing. Anything can happen. Things alter. Things change." Lucas nods understand where she is coming from. _

"_But this won't" he said picking up her hand and placing it on his heart and doing the same to hers. "You told me once that you were gonna love me forever. And that goes for me too Peyt. I know what I'm feeling now and what I have felt since junior year of high school will never alter or change. It has never once. Sure, we had our problems and we will still have those, but we can always work through them in the end. No matter what the circumstances are. And I know you know that's true too" he said. She smiled looking up at him. _

"_Sometimes I just can't believe I found it you know?" she asks rhetorically. "And the fact we found it at 16 and were able to keep it this long. Even through the other girlfriends and boyfriends, we still did it. And it is a scary thing. And I believe in us more than anything else. It's just hard when you see relationship after relationship crumble and die." She honestly said. _

"_Well I'm glad you believe in us as much as I do. Because I know that could never happen. I wouldn't let it. Sure shit will happen Peyt but true love never dies. It can be buried and it can be forgotten, but it can't be lost forever." Tears glistened in her eyes as he leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips and then again on her forehead before wrapping his arms tightly around her._

"_I love you so much Lucas." She confesses._

"_I would never ever leave you Peyton." He said and she smiled. _

"_I know" was all she could say._

It took her until midnight to finally get out of her room. She was finally able to stop the crying and calm down. She made her way into the bedroom. She needed to talk to him without crying, without being angry, and without yelling.

"Luke, we need to talk." She said coming to sit next him on the bed.

"Peyton, I'm going to move out" was all Lucas said. Peyton sat there motionless in silence trying to process the words that just came out of her husband's mouth.


	9. Sacrifice

A/N: It's been over a year. Wow. Sorry guys, well whoever is still reading this. I do plan on finishing this. Here is an UD, I am going to try and start updating more frequently. Thanks for your patience. Please review if you can, just wondering how many of you are still reading or if anyone new is reading. Thanks!

Italicized are flashbacks

Bold are song lyrics

"_I would never ever leave you Peyton." He said and she smiled._

"_I know" was all she could say. He rested his head on the crook of her neck inhaling every scent that radiated from his wife. A few tears of happiness escaped her eyes, and just like that he made her worries and fears go away. He was right she thought. They weren't just like every other married couple. Their unspoken connection, their love for one another, their undying history…it was meant to last forever. _

It took her until midnight to finally get out of her studio room. She was finally able to stop the crying and calm down. She made her way into the bedroom. She needed to talk to him without crying, without being angry, and without yelling. She saw him on the bed with his head down. He looked ashamed, regretful. Maybe he would be able to talk to her the same: no yelling, no crying.

**Hello my friend, we meet again, it's been awhile, where should we begin?**

"Luke, we need to talk." She said coming to sit next him on the bed. He looked up at his wife and she noticed the pain in his eyes. It looked like he had been crying. She could tell he wanted to say something but couldn't get it out.

"Peyton, I'm going to move out" was all Lucas said. Peyton sat there motionless in silence trying to process the words that just came out of her husband's mouth. She thought about his words. 'Move out' what could that possibly mean other than the literal implication. She looked at her ring and thought about what that symbol, that promise meant when they stood in front all their friends and family 3 years ago. They vowed to love one another and to never leave one another till death do them part. She looked down at her stomach; the little bump reflecting the life that they created. Something as small as a tip of a pen was growing into a baby…a human being. Life was being formed as they spoke. A life that they both created out of love, honesty, and beauty. A life that symbolized the promise he had made when he told her he would never leave her. And she believed him. Her mind raced to all those conversations, all those vows, all those promises. She watched them all crumble and fade as she remembered the last 6 words to utter out of her husbands mouth.

He looked and stared desperately waiting for some vocal response from his wife. She had to believe that he never wanted this and that it was the only solution for right now. He could see the hurt and pain and sense of betrayal in her eyes. He wanted to take them all away and scoop her in his arms and tell her that everything would be ok. That they could work this out. But he knew that he couldn't. It would only be a week or so where they would have a similar fight, a similar conversation. He couldn't keep seeing that look on his wife's face. He couldn't…wouldn't do that any longer.

Five minutes had passed in complete silence. Scattered thoughts racing through both their heads. He slowly moved his hand to hers trying to comfort her but she immediately flinched not wanting him to touch her at all.

"Peyton…I'm so…"

"Sorry?" she cut him off. "Don't give me that shit. You said you would never leave, you promised that you would always love me, you…" She was on the verge of sobbing and completely breaking down when he immediately cut her off putting his hand on her mouth.

"I do love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you" He said honestly looking her in the eye.

"Well this certainly is a perfect way of showing it." He looked down in defeat. He needed to get this out to her, what he is feeling and what he decided. But he didn't want to break her heart. He loved her so much. "Go ahead just leave me and your baby." She said raising her voice with hurt and disgust to the man with all the broken promises. She still couldn't get anything out of him. He just continued looking down.

Lucas thought about all the things he wanted to say, he had a whole speech prepared of how he was going to explain his decision to his wife. But he couldn't get out what he wanted to say. He couldn't explain why he was doing this. Again, he thought about kissing her right then and there, telling her they could work through this and it would be ok. But that would be a lie. So he remained motionless and didn't say a word. "I guess that saying is right…the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree" her words stung him. It felt like a knife was jabbed into his heart. He looked up immediately at her. Their eyes met and they continued to stare at one another. He looked in curiosity and in wonder. Did she really think that? Did she really think I was just like Dan? A selfish man with no heart who gave up his son in a blink of an eye. Was that who my wife thought I had become?

Her eyes told a completely different story than the words that escaped from her mouth. She was a coward, she was scared to death at what he was feeling at that very moment. She knew that was the wrong thing to say but she needed to get something out of him. Anything.

"That's what you think Peyt, you think I'm abandoning my child. You think I used you all this time and I never cared?"

"Never, not for a second" she admitted still not looking away from his eyes. "God, I know you and I know he is the last person you will ever become. I said that because I was hurt. I don't know. I just…god Luke I just don't understand. Why are you doing this to us?"

"I'm doing this for us" he honestly said. He grabbed her hands into his. "I'm doing this for you and for the baby and for our marriage. You don't deserve this Peyton and neither does this child we both made. He or she can't come into the world in this type of environment. It's not fair. I'm not the husband or father you both deserve. I cant be right now." He said it. He was finally able to tell his wife the conclusion he came up with. In a way she understood. In a way she realized what he was saying. And part of her knew he was right and telling the truth. But admitting that its best for your husband to leave is not an easy thing to do. Admitting that he is not a good husband and will not be a good father is not an easy thing to do. It wasn't a thing she wanted to do. She wasn't read to admit any of that.

**Feels like forever within my heart a memory, **

**perfect love that you gave to me. **

**Oh, I remember**

She put her hands on his face forcing him to make eye contact with her. "Listen to me Luke, we can work through this. I need you here with me. This baby needs you." And in that moment she kissed him with everything she had left and he kissed her back. Passionately their tongues collided. All the passion that had been forgotten since the accident had come back with this one kiss. He held on to her wrist with his hand wanting so much more of her. They were in their special trance, the one they fell into so often when they weight of the world was on their shoulders, when there was no hope for the two of them. But they were Lucas and Peyton. Their love, passion, connection would always resurface…even if it would only be for a moment.

**When you are with me I'm free. **

**Im careless, I believe**

**Above all the others we'll fly. **

**This brings tears to my eyes. **

**My Sacrifice. **

She broke off the kiss but all their love and passion was still lingering in the air. They both breathed heavily trying to catch their breaths. Their foreheads met and he was finally able to catch his breath; he breathed her in. Their lips were still centimeters away, They were both so hungry for more. But she wanted to know what he was thinking. She needed to know if their love would get them through this.

"Don't you feel that?" she questioned afraid of his response.

"You know I do" he said placing her hand on his heart. "Your still the only one that can get my heart racing like this."

"I love you Luke"

"I love you too. I always will, please remember that"

"Then why are you leaving. I don't want you to leave. And I know you don't want to leave. So let's just not do this. We will find away. Our love has brought us through so much"

"Not this. It can't." he said not making eye contact. He didn't want to face the truth, reality…but he knew he had to.

"You say you love me and you still feel it, Luke. I know you haven't been the same since the accident but we can adjust to this new lifestyle. Our baby will still be loved and adored by both of us. We can make this work."

"No we cant, not this time"

"So what your just going to give up. I cant give you up Lucas. What am I supposed to do without you" she started to cry. It killed him to see her this way. "You're the only person I can ever be happy with. You're the only one that I want to share my life and our baby with. Don't do this to me" she pleaded as the tears came running down her cheeks. All he could do was look at her. A few tears escaped his eyes. This was the hardest thing he ever had to do.

"Please Peyton, don't make this harder than it already is. This is killing me"

"It's killing you? You're the one making this decision Luke not me. You have to be prepared to deal with the consequences of this. I don't want this." She was on the verge of yelling as her voice kept on raising. She stood up away from him turning her back to him. She was steaming with anger, pain, and love.

"You think I want this?" he said matching the same intensity in his voice as hers. He puts all his power into sitting up. His voice caused her to turn around. "Huh? You think I wanted this for us? Do you think I like making you cry? Do you think I like seeing the way you look at me?" He yelled all these rhetoric questions which caused Peyton to stay quiet. "It's killing me more than you can possibly know"

"Then why are you doing this?" she asked quietly. "I know you said your doing this for me and the baby. But what if I told you this is only making it worse. Not having you here is worse. I'd rather have you on your bad days than not have you at all. That's what a marriage is Luke, the good days and the bad ones." She said honestly, hoping that would knock some sense into him.

**We've seen our share of ups and downs. Oh how quickly life can turn around.**

**In an instant, It feels so good to realize**

**What's in yourself and within your mind. **

**Let's find peace there**

She was unbelievable. She wasn't going to make this easy on him. He couldn't believe how patient she was being after everything he has put her through. The yelling, the drinking, the throwing up, she has been patient, perfect throughout the whole thing. Surely he could have given in. He could have said she was right. Say that all marriages have their rough patches…and this was theirs. But he knew that it wouldn't be fair to her. He knew that wouldn't be the truth, not for these circumstances. He needed to show her his love for her was just as strong. He knew what he needed to do.

"You have no idea how badly I want to just bring you to my arms and kiss you and tell you everything will be alright" he said staring with so much compassion.

She came close to him and sat by him. "Then why can't you?" she pleaded.

"You don't get it. I can't live here. I can't be with you. I cant' have this anymore"

"What?" she said quietly and confused. He just admitted that he still loves me. He said he would always love me. He said he doesn't want to hurt me or the baby. Then what is that supposed to mean?

"I already talked to my mom. I'm going to Boston tomorrow. I'm staying with them and their going to hire someone for me."

"Wait this has already been decided?" she asked realizing what has been happening all this time. "So all this time we have been talking about something that you have already decided on your own. My opinion never mattered. What I want doesn't count?" she asked. She was now more hurt than ever. "Who in the fuck am I Lucas? Last time I checked I was your wife. How you do go about making a decision like this without me?"

"Peyton…" he sad trying to make her understand.

"No. Fuck you Lucas. Fuck you. You're moving to a different state. You're leaving and you haven't even discussed this with me. What about me?"

"You have Brooke, Nathan, and Haley. I have talked to them, they will take…"

"WHAT? So everyone knows besides me. What did you tell our neighbors too, hell its probably on the news. How do you go about telling everyone about these monumental changes"

"Because I knew you would react this way!"

"Oh and how am I supposed to react Luke? Huh? I'm happy your leaving. Have a good time in Boston. Give your mom and your sister my best" her angry sarcasm and dry wit were not helping.

"Fine" he finally yells which gets her attention. "You want the truth? Do you want to know exactly what I am feeling? Well I am going to be a father and I am not happy about it. I am not happy being your husband. Do you realized how hard this is for me? To say all that out loud? I can't be this kids dad and I can't be your husband." The truth hurts. It stung Peyton and even himself. He couldn't believe those words were coming out of his mouth, but it was the plain, honest truth. "All the things I wanted to do with you and the baby, I can't anymore. I won't be able to teach my children basketball, play one-on-one, have those silly father-daughter dance, ride bikes with them, teach them how to swim, it just goes on and on and on"

"Lucas being a father is more than those trivial things. It's about being there for them, talking to them, listening to them, giving them advice."

"Well what about you?"

"What about me?"

"I am not your husband anymore. I am this burden to you that you take care of. Your the one who is pregnant and I can't even take care of you. Do you know how pathetic and sad that sounds. I am not a man anymore." He bitterly laughs at himself looking down in disgust. "I hate myself" he whispers but enough so she can hear him.

"Luke…"

"Look I know you hate when I talk like this. And I know your going to say things could be worse" he admits. "But I can't help the way I feel Peyt I hate everything about the person I am. I hate the situation I'm in. I hate how I'm handling everything in my life right now. I hate the pressure you give me Peyton. And I hate what you expect out of me and the fact that I cant give it to you."

"Pressure? Luke, hun I just want you to be yourself"

"No, no you don't. You want me to be the guy I was a few months ago, before all this shit. And I cant give that to you. If I stay this is only going to get worse. I hate everything about my life right now. I can't see the good side of anything. I'm a bitter, lonely, depressed fuck. And I don't deserve you. You don't deserve someone like me who only sees the world like this. I will not allow myself to drag you down. You're too good for that. And I know you will never leave me because you have all this hope in me. You think I can change back. You have so much faith in this relationship and the love we used to have for one another…" he paused.

"Used?" Peyton questioned in a silent voice of hurt and sadness.

"You know how I feel Peyt, I have made that clear. And that's why I am doing this. That is why I have to do this. I have to leave you. I need to stop causing you pain."

"You leaving is painful Luke"

"I know" was all he could say. He pulled his wife's hand into him and pulled her in for a hug.

**When you are with me I'm free**

**I'm careless, I believe**

**Above all the others we'll fly**

**This brings tears to my eyes. **

**My sacrifice. **

"I can't do this" she said pushing him away and standing up. "I cant sit here with you and let you hold me thinking about everything you said. And what's going to happen tomorrow. I just can't" and with that she left. She stormed out of the house. He was left contemplating his own decisions and everything he said. He just hoped that wasn't the last time he saw her before he would leave tomorrow.

**I just want to say hello again**

**I just want to say hello again**

**My Sacrifice**

A/N: just so you know I know how I want the next chapter to be. I just need formulate my thoughts more thoroughly and get them down. I want to get the next chapter out in the next week or so…hopefully.


	10. Free Bird

A/N: thanks for the reviews. This is a pretty long chapter. I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Im not exactly sure how I want the next chapter to be. I think what I want to do is a little unprecedented. We'll see if I go through with it or not. I don't know when the next chapter will be up. I don't think it should be too long. I really do enjoy writing this even though its not a lot of fun times for LP right now. But I will get to finishing this. Oh and please review for this chapter…let me know what you think of how the story line in proceeding…even if you don't like it…I would just like to know…thanks!

She slammed the front door of their apartment running into her Comet and just sat in the drivers seat. She roughly started the ignition, took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her eyes. She put 99.1, the classic rock station and "Free Bird" by Lynard Skynard came on. With her top down, her hair flew in the wind as the music blasted. They loved this song, together. When it would come on they would scream the lyrics, imitate the air guitar and air drums. The tears fell harder, it was such an emotional song.

**If I leave here tomorrow**

**Would you still remember me?**

**For I must be travelling on, now, **

**Cause there's too many places I've got to see.**

It was one in the morning and she needed to talk to someone. She felt betrayed by everyone she loved most in the world: Karen, Nathan, Haley, Brooke…Lucas. Her dad wasn't around…She needed answers. As she drove, she noticed Brooke's car at Nathan and Haley's house. She parked the car, got out, and proceeded to knock heavily on the door. By the sound of the knock and the hand of the clock, he knew who it was.

"Peyton" was all he could say. She looked like a wreck. She wore a long t-shirt and pajama pants. Her hair was disheveled from the car ride. Her face was puffy and red. All he could do was just pull her into a hug as she saw Brooke and Haley in the background with both somber looks on their face. He let go of her to take a look at her. "He told you" he concluded. And with that she brushed past him rolling her eyes, he could tell she was pissed.

"What's going on?" she asked to all three of them. "How can you all be ok with this?" she was angry at them all and just wanted answers.

"I'm not" Brooke said proudly defending her best friend. "I say we tie his wheelchair to his room. There is no way he is leaving this town"

"Brooke…" Haley started.

"No Haley. Don't Brooke me… This has gone on far enough. I know you two support Lucas' decision but I don't" she moved her way to Peyton and put her arm around her. "He can't leave his child or his wife to go find himself or whatever you guys think he needs to do." She concluded.

"You guys agree with him?" Peyton asked a silent Nathan and Haley. All they could do is just look at each other.

Brooke took Peyton aside to go sit in the family room as Nathan and Haley began to talk to one another. "As soon as Luke told me I cam running here to see what they had to say. You know I thought all three of us plus you could knock some sense into him." she said.

"I don't think anyone can…it seems he made up his mind" she said choking up as the tears started to form again. Her best friend took her into her arms and held her. Brooke eyes Nathan and Haley trying to prove a point that Lucas' decision is not the best solution for any of them. "It's going to be alright Peyton…It will be. He'll come around"

"I really don't think so Brooke. He has changed so much. It's like he says he cares about me and the baby and that's why he is doing this. But this is killing me. This is hurting more than those empty words he uses, or the drinking he has been doing lately. But he is still leaving, he is still leaving me. It's just…why do I keep pushing everyone away?" she wondered the same question that puzzled her in high school. She questioned and wondered to herself all the time. And Lucas's answer was always 'they are not me'...but here it was, Peyton Sawyer had done it once again. Another person was leaving her. But this time it was the only guy she ever truly loved. The guy who promised that he wasn't like the rest of them. Brooke didn't know what to say so she just comforted her rubbing her back and kissing her forehead.

Nathan and Haley, who seemed to be finishing up their discussion, over heard the last words utter Peyton's mouth. They couldn't help but feel for what she was going through. Just then their house phone rang disrupting everything they were thinking. Haley answered it.

"Hello"

"Haley…" she heard a quiet, tired, sad voice escape from the person she once considered her best friend.

"Luke, are you ok?" Haley quickly asked at the sound of Luke's voice. At the mention of his name Peyton's ear shot up listening very carefully to the next words that were about to be spoken. Even if she was pissed, her heart was still with him, she was beginning to think it would always be with him, no matter what.

"No yea I'm fine. Is she there?" Haley took a sigh in relief and looked at Peyton who could tell there was nothing wrong with him.

"Yea she just got here. She is fine." Peyton relaxed a bit, he was alright, there was nothing wrong with him. She tried to imagine what were the choice of words he used to ask about her. She knew he would be worried about her with the way she stormed out of the house and into her car. In a way she wanted him to worry, as selfish and cruel as that sounds. She wanted to have him feel and think of what life would be like without her. She wanted him to realize it was all a terrible decision and that he wanted to make this work. She was so deeply enveloped with her own thoughts she stopped paying attention to Lucas and Haley's conversation. Then Haley came up to her. "He wants to talk to you." she said offering the phone to her. She stayed quiet for a few seconds. What would he said to her? What would she say to him? Did she want to hear his voice right now? She hesitantly took the phone from Haley's hand and put in up to her ear. She was breathing heavily. He could hear her. He sighed deeply at least he knew she was ok. For fifteen seconds they were both content listening to one another. It was as if they were agreeing, apologizing, forgiving through the silence.

"Peyton" he said gently with so much warmth.

"What do you want?" and just like that a shallow, cold, numb version of Peyton appeared. Her pain, anger, fear, and love mixed into one formed this hard, broken shell around her. It was the version that some people recognized as the stereotypical "tortured artist". Or a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a bitch. But to Lucas he knew this version to well. It was just his Peyton. He knew she was just scared and angry for everything he said and caused. He knew this version of her all too well.

"I know how you're feeling Peyton. I just don't want us to part in these terms. I don't want these conditions to be the last time I see you" she stayed quiet. She heard the sincerity in his voice. She didn't want to say something she would end up regretting. So she said nothing. "Listen, my mom is coming early tomorrow and then were leaving tomorrow night. Please we need to talk once more." He paused and again she didn't say anything. "Peyton please say something. Tell me you'll see me tomorrow" tears started to form as a few escaped her eyes. She couldn't deal with the fact that he hadn't changed his mind, he was still going through with the move. He was talking about seeing her one last time, talking to her once more, not leaving in such terms. Thinking about the words…about the consequences scared her to death. Tears kept running as her mind raced with all the possibilities of the future and how they may never see each again. It was too much for her. And with that she hung up the phone staring at a curious Nathan, Haley, and Brooke.

"He didn't change his mind. He is still leaving tomorrow. Karen is coming in the morning. I guess to help him pack. And their leaving together tomorrow night."

"Peyton…" Haley started trying to console her.

"No its ok you got what you wanted" her smug comment hurt her.

"Peyton I didn't want this. I just think this is the best thing for both of you now."

"How is him leaving the best thing for her?" Brooke stands up again defending her best friend. "Who will be with her during the pregnancy?" she questions.

"We will" Nathan says firmly. "I will be there for every appointment. Peyton, we will all be there for you" he said.

"I don't want any of your pity because my husband is lea…le left me" she choked on the ending of her sentence thinking about what would soon be reality.

"Peyton were not pitying you. Your our best friend. You're like a sister to me. I love you." Haley concluded. "I didn't want this for any of you. But Luke staying here is not good for you."

"Peyton she's right. All this stress is not good for the pregnancy. Lucas is fucked up right now and you don't need his shit piling on top of what you're going through. I know him leaving sucks but you need to admit that he isn't the same guy. You need to let him go." At the sound of the words coming out of her brother in law she sat back down on the sofa. Brooke sat with her putting her arm around her.

"I know you don't want to hear this Peyton." Haley began. "But he is right. You need to let Lucas go. He is trapped here."

"Peyton" Brooke started. "Hey look at me" and with that Peyton looked up at her best friend. "Maybe their right" she started which caused Peyton to stand up and shake her head.

"C'mon not you too Brooke…I tho...."

"No Peyton, just listen for a second" Brooke interrupted her. Brooke couldn't believe what she was doing. Was she actually siding with them? In her most calmest, motherly type voice she needed to explain why she had a change of heart. "Maybe if you let him go he will come back to you. Maybe he will change back to the person he was. Maybe he will be his own person again." She just continues shaking her head not wanting to hear what any of her friends are telling her.

"Why can't he do that here?" she yells. "Why does he have to travel to an entire different region of the country to find himself and be his own person?"

"Because apart of him died in that car crash" Haley concluded. "He is my best friend Peyton. I hate seeing him this way. I hate him feeling the way he does. He isn't happy." She said. With the sound of these words, Peyton couldn't hear it anymore. She wanted to escape from all of it. She started to blame herself for everything that happened. She rushed for the door when someone stopped her. As soon as she opened the front door Nathan slammed it.

"Your not going anywhere" he said moving in front of her.

"Nathan let me go" she demanded reaching for the doorknob. But he pushes her out of the way. "I said let me go" she said trying to move Nathan but instead he grabs her into his arms. She tries to push away from him as the tears flow freely from her eyes but his strong grasp doesn't budge. "Nathan…Please..Pl…" she finally gives in as she breaks down sobbing on the floor and all Nathan can do is hold on to her.

"I got you" he whispers. "Were always going to be here for you. Were not leaving" he says.

"I miss him so much."

"We all do" he says still holding on to her tight. "We all do" he repeats himself looking at Brooke and Haley who both cant stop the tears from falling from their eyes.

**But, if I stayed here with you, girl,**

**Things just couldn't be the same.**

It was nearly 4 in the morning. They were all awake sitting by the fire still at Nathan and Haley's house. They heard soft footsteps coming from the stairs. As they all turned around they saw Jamie walking towards them.

"Honey, what's the matter?" Haley asks as she notices he doesn't look good.

"I don't felt good" he says. "My stomach hurts and I feel all weird" he said looking all red. Nathan gets up over to his son.

"Buddy whats the matter?" he asks as he feels his head to check his temperature. "You feel pretty warm bud. How about we get you into a warm bath ok?" he says as he picks up his son. "Hales can you get me that Tylenol cold medicine and a glass of water." He asks his wife.

"But dad, I don't like that medicine"

"I don't either. Its gross, isn't it?" he makes a face to Jamie who just nods. "But if you want to get better than your going to need to have some ok" he does speaking a childish like tone of voice.

"Ok dad" he says as they both go upstairs. Shortly Haley follows with the medicine and glass of water.

"I'll be right back down guys" she tells Brooke and Peyton.

"Take your time" Brooke says smiling. "He needs you guys." And with that Haley went up the stairs following her husband and little boy. Moments later she walks back downstairs. "He is starting to get embarrassed when I see him naked. Nathan is taking care of him" she says.

"Is he ok?" Brooke asks.

"Yea yea he fine. Just a small fever. I think its just one of those viruses" she says. Both Peyton and Brooke nod. A few moments pass.

"I can't help but want all of this" she says looking at Haley motioning to the entire setting they had witnessed of a complete and loving family.

"Peyton, hun your going to get it" Brooke said patting Peyton's legs which causes her to look at her as if she isn't so sure.

"You will Peyton, you just need to believe. He just needs time. That's all." Haley says.

"Do you understand where were coming from?" Brooke asks. "Why we are starting to understand what Lucas is doing?" Brooke questions.

"I get it that he needs time. But why can't he stay with us? Why can't he take all the time he wants with his family?"

"Maybe you can't change him Peyton." Haley says pointing out the reality that none of them want to face. "Maybe none of us can" Again…the truth hurts.

"Why not Haley…Why? We have done so much for one another. I want to be there for him through all of this."

"And maybe he can't with you there. Maybe he cant in Tree Hill. There is so many expectations from all of us. There is so much pressure from you, me, Haley, Nathan…even if its not verbalized…its there" Brooke said which caused Haley to nod her head in agreement.

"Brooke I don't expect anything from him" she shakes her head in disagreement.

"Peyton I know." Haley started. "I know you and I know you're not pressuring him. But maybe he just feels it you know. Like Brooke said it doesn't have to be verbalized. You married one of the few good guys in this Earth who is strong, good, and who had a heart of gold. But something new came out of that accident. And down there is the same Lucas we all know. But there is a new side that I think he himself needs to get used to. He needs to get accustom to his new lifestyle. It's like he is a new born, with a whole brand new set of wings…and just doesn't know what to do with them. He remembers his life the way it used to be and he cant match it. So he gets angry…and tired…and pissed off. Maybe he thinks the best way is to leave as far as possible. Start fresh. Be who he needs to be before he can come back to you and your family."

Haley pauses and takes a breath. Brooke and Peyton are silent by everything Haley had to say. In a way it made sense. It was logical…but Peyton wasn't sure if that's what she needed to hear. As much as her friends were trying to help…they weren't. They made her feel worse blaming herself for his unhappiness and inability to change. She didn't want to let him go. She didn't want to admit that there was nothing else she could do. She wasn't ready for all of that even if it was logical, even if it did make sense.

**Cause I'm as free as a bird now, **

**And this bird you can not change**

**Lord knows, I cant change.**

She didn't get much sleep the entire night. None of them could. Brooke ended up leaving at 7am to go start getting ready to open up her shop. Haley and Nathan went upstairs around that time to do that same. Peyton remained in the same spot by the fire place thinking over everything she had discussed with her friends. Nathan informed her that she could stay as long as she would like. They all wanted to say a few last words to Lucas before he left that night. Everyone was going to go at separate times to say their goodbyes. She was still unsure whether or not she would go and see him off. She didn't want to part on the terms they left things under last night in person or on the phone rather…but she didn't know if she could handle seeing him again. She didn't know how she would react or what she would say. She still had time to think about it. As she closed her eyes she drifted into a deep sleep…her mind drifted as well, to an all to familiar place.

_It was exactly a week before the accident, before two young lives were changed forever, or rather 3. It was her birthday. They had an elegant dinner at her favorite restaurant just along the boardwalk. They danced under the stars holding each other in the moonlight enjoying the breeze as it would soon be Spring. The cold weather, the dark nights would soon fade away while Spring would bloom. The flowers would grow again, the weather would be more tame, everything would be restored. It was Peyton's favorite time of the year because it was something she wasn't used to. All her life she knew despair, with her mom dying at a young age, her birth mother dying of cancer just as she got to know her, her father never being around…the list went on and on. She would enjoy the next few months when she could witness all the life that would blossom from the earth. _

_But she didn't know what the heavens and the earth had in store for her in a week time. She didn't know she was just about to face the darkest times of her life. She didn't know that in just one week her life would be changed forever. Why would she have to experience all this pain, despair, suffering in the most hopeful time of the year. The time of the year where all is rejuvenated in the earth. It was ironic. Some things just don't make sense. _

_But not tonight. Tonight they didn't have any awareness of the pain they were going to have to endure. Tonight would be a night of happiness, passion, and love. Tonight they were celebrating her birthday in the young Spring night under the stars in the moonlight. It was just the two of them. The rest of the world didn't matter; their jobs were not thought about…there wasn't a care in the world. They just danced…in each others arms, in their eyes, and in their hearts. They were stuck in their moment…or that Lucas and Peyton trance if you will…and they couldn't get out of it. They arrived home at one in the morning, they weren't sure where the night had went. Did they really spend hours and hours dancing. Was there even music the background? Neither of them were sure as they were still caught up in the world that only consisted of the two of them. _

"_Tonight was perfect Luke, thank you" she said reaching up to kiss him gently on his lips as they stepped inside their apartment. _

"_There is no need to thank me. I didn't even get you anything besides dinner." He said feeling bad about not getting her a piece of jewelry or even something small. He had just been caught up with work that he wasn't even able to think about what would be the perfect gift for her. _

"_Trust me" she said shaking her head at his previous statement. "I have everything" she kisses him again tip toeing up wrapping her arms around his neck. "Today was perfect…from the breakfast in bed, to spending the entire day reading, and then eating at my favorite place, and finally dancing. Seriously, I had a perfect birthday" she said kissing him realizing the simplicity of their day and how it reached perfection for both of them. _

"_Speaking of…since when do we dance?" he laughed thinking. "I don't think we danced more in our entire life than tonight." She laughed along with him. "No seriously, I didn't even realize we danced for that long"_

_She looked down smiling knowing he was right. Sure they danced at parties and their wedding…but a few slow dance songs…and a few fast ones and then they would call it a night. Never like the way they did tonight. They got lost in the music, in their love for one another it got them to lose track of time, of reality, of life. _

"_You're right" was all she could say as she looked up at him. "I've never had that much fun dancing…and definitely not for that long" she confessed the truth. She was still in his arms, she didn't want to let go. _

"_Time flies" he says staring into her eyes and kissing her. "When your having the time of your life" he concludes kissing her again_

"_Alright, that was a little too corny" she said patting him on his shoulder. _

"_Oh..yea… was it?" he asked teasing, playing with her. She then lightly grabbed his tie pulling her into him as they shared a deep kiss. She walked backwards into their bedroom not letting go of his tie as he followed her lips ever so closely but not touching, he wanted more, so much more. She gave him a small smile as she looked at his movements wondering what he was going to do. She could tell he was up to something. As they got into the bedroom she suddenly stopped as she saw rose peddles on the floor leading to on their bed and candles placed throughout the entire bedroom. She stopped walking backwards, let go of his tie, as her jaw dropped in aw. She couldn't believe he did all of this, that he planned all of this. He saw the water in her eyes as she still looked in amazement at how pretty the room was decorated. He picked up the remote for their stereo and pressed play, as mix of all their songs began to play. A familiar Cure song comes on and she smiles remembering the time she played his for him, telling him its how she felt about him. She looks at her reaction and knows that she is still shocked, surprised by everything surrounding her. _

"_Lovesong" she whispers the title of the track. _

"_Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again" he whispers the lyrics along with the song as he walks right behind her singing in her ear. She closes her eyes as she feels his touch and hears his voice in her ears. He places his hand on her waist allowing her to turn around into him. "Too corny?" he questions referring to their teasing conversation before they entered the bedroom. _

"_I love you" was all she wanted to say, all she needed to say as a tear of happiness escaped her eye and she kissed him with all of her heart. He slowly brought her to the bed as she sat down while he hovered on top of her never releasing from their kiss. She began to scoot back making a way for him to follow on top of her. She began unbuttoning his black long sleeve dress shirt taking it off of him. Slowly they continued to take of their clothing, piece by piece they undressed one another taking their time. It was as if they were savoring each moment before another part of their body would be exposed. Their kisses were slow but full of passion and energy. He was so gentle with her placing soft kisses from her head down to her toe, he wanted to make tonight last forever. She held on to his entire body; his defined ribs, his masculine back, his soft shaggy hair. He was beautiful she thought as she explored all the familiar places she loved ever since she was a teenager in high school. Not a single part of their bodies went untouched, unkissed…unadored when he gently entered her. She just cooed his name in love, ecstasy, and passion. And just like that they were dancing, transcending the act of sex or even the act of making love. What they were doing was much more than that…it couldn't even be described. If only they knew this would be the last. If only they knew that in a weeks time that they could never have any of this ever again. Or perhaps, they did know. Perhaps, in some transcendent way their subconscious, their biological being did know. For in this one night they explored new levels of passion and physical intimacy. In this one night they found a new, different way of communication. In this one night they created a life from their love, from their connection._

_In the moment, in their trance, they didn't realize how important, how special, how unique this moment would actually be for them…especially with how they future would pan out. Perhaps, things do make sense. _

She woke up suddenly realizing she had been asleep all this time thinking about their last time together. She looked at her watch and realized it was already 2pm. When did it get to be that time, she thought? She must have slept for nearly seven hours. She needed to go home, she needed to see Lucas. She quickly took a shower in Nathan and Haley's bathroom and then got into her Comet and left. The entire way back to her house she thought about her last birthday and their last night together. She thought about how perfect and special it really was for the two of them. These thoughts reminded her of how strong and unique their love really was. It brought them a miracle of a child. And it was theirs. It would always be Lucas and Peyton's child. The thought brought a smile to her face. She knew what she had to do wouldn't be easy, but he was right, she needed to talk to him before he left. She didn't know what she would say or what he would say…or even how they would react to one another. All she knew was that she needed to.

As she approaches closer to her house she sees Nathan and Karen outside packing Lucas's Honda CRV up with all of his belongings. She takes a deep breath before she gets out the car and sees Nathan right by the drivers door waiting for her. He brings her into a hug.

"I'm proud of you" he said whispering in her ears. She doesn't say anything she just looks out at Karen not sure what her reaction would be or what she should even say. She lets go of him noticing that Karen and Peyton are footsteps away from each other just looking into one another's eyes. Their both second guessing of what the other's going to do that they don't know how to react. "I'll leave you two alone" he say to both of them getting back to Lucas' car and getting everything in there. The young girl still watches off Nathan and can't look at her mother-in-law back in the eye as she begins to cry.

"Oh Peyton" Karen says rushing over to give her daughter in law a warm hug which causes her to cry even more. "It's going to be ok" she says just like any mother would say.

"I failed you didn't I?" Peyton said.

"What? No…no you didn't"

"I did. I failed you." She begins backing away and leaning on her car as Karen keep shaking her head whispering no. "I told you that I would take care of him after the accident. I told you not to worry that I could handle it. And I couldn't, I failed you" she repeated again.

"You didn't fail anyone. You didn't fail me. And you certainly didn't fail Lucas. I know your trying to be strong here, but no would could even try to tackle on what your handling right now" she said looking at her telling the truth as her eyes began to tear. "I don't ever want you thinking that honey. You know what" she said beginning to smile. "You're going to make me a grandma" she placed her hands on Peyton's shoulders and brought her in for a hug. " You have no idea how happy I am about that. It's God's miracle. Just like Lucas was for me" she said referring to her situation with Dan.

"Karen how am I going to do this?"

"You're going to be fine. You have all the help in the world in Nathan and Haley…and Brooke. And you will always have me…and Lucas" she said. At the mention of his name she looks down and just shakes her head.

"He is leaving me." She said.

"No, he's not." She says in a stern voice. "He is just leaving the situation. He is leaving the cards he has dealt and he running away from them. Don't ever think this is about you." She said.

"Why are supporting this Karen…him leaving his family?"

"I don't know what else to do other than support him at a time like this. Even if this could be a big mistake. I don't know" she said truthfully. "All I know is that I don't want you in a stressful environment being pregnant. I need a healthy grandchild" she says bringing Peyton in for another hug. "And as for Lucas I will support whatever he wants. He is my son" she concludes. She never really could quite grasp the strength of Karen. She was able to raise Lucas into the man he was when Dan left her cold, and able to raise Lily after Keith passed away, and now here she was supporting her sun after this tragic accident.

Moments pass and Peyton makes her way over to Nathan who informs her that Haley is still with Lucas. He tells her to go on ahead since they have been over for about an hour. She heads inside their apartment and walks towards their bedroom as hears Haleys voice carry throughout the apartment.

"I hate you for doing this…especially to Peyton."

"God Haley" he says frustrated.

"Lucas she doesn't understand why you're doing this?" she says raising her voice.

"Don't you though?" he says matching her voice.

"In some ways, yes Luke. Ok. I just don't think you know exactly what you're doing. I'm just not convinced this is the right thing to do"

"Haley. I'm not going to analyze what the right thing is to do before its too late. There is no right thing in this type of situation." His voice was loud and clear. There was a pause for a moment. "I'll keep in touch, don't worry." He said softly.

"Just come back to us. Just come back to your family" she said.

After briefly overhearing their conversation she made her way away from the bedroom and tried to look for something to keep her busy. Her mind was in far too many places to actually think of something to do. She couldn't help but think what she was going to say and how he would react. Five minutes later Haley walked out of his bedroom wiping a few escaping tears from her eyes.

"How is he?" Peyton asks.

"He is ok I guess. I'm glad you're here. He wants to see you" she says.

"Are you taking him to the airport?" she asked.

"No…no I can't" she says looking back at the door of where her best friend lies. "I can't." she says again looking with sadness in her voice and sorrow in her eyes. Peyton just nods understanding. "Nathan said he would…I mean unless you…" she says motioning.

"Oh no. It's taken me everything to get me here" she says.

"Yea, well I'll leave you two…" Haley says. "Come by later or call if you want to"

"Ok" Peyton says as she turns about to walk towards the bedroom. "Hey Haley" she says stopping her from about to leave the apartment. "Thanks" she says with a soft smile. Haley just nods before leaving.

She took a look at the door handle and took a deep breath before opening the door. Their eyes met. She could tell he was happy to see her. She didn't know how to feel or how to look. She just stood motionless staring at him.

"Peyton…" was all he could say.

**Bye, bye its been a sweet love. **

**Though this feeling I cant change. **

**But please don't take it badly,**

**Cause Lord knows I'm to blame.**

At the sound of her name come out of his lips, she rushed over to him into his arms. He took her with open arms, resting his head on the nook of her shoulder closing his eyes, inhaling her scent. She put her hand on the back of his head running her hands through his shaggy hair. She didn't know how she let this happen. She didn't know how she got into his arms, how they fell so easily into this moment where it was just the two of them. She wanted to stand strong, tell him how she felt about his moving away, and then leave. But at the sound of her name, all the memories of them together rushed back into her head, their last time together wouldn't escape her mind, the fact she would be bearing his baby in a matter of months wouldn't escape her mind. She didn't think about the hurtful things he said or what would happen in their future. She didn't want to. Lucas was surprised on the other hand for how she reacted. He wasn't even sure if she would show up…he wasn't sure if her anger and pain would keep her way from him…but now she was in her arms, like old times.

"I'm glad you're here" he whispered in her ears. She wasn't sure if it was a light switch when she heard these words…but they hit her back to reality. He wanted her here for one more time, one last talk…so they can part on good terms. Again, she wanted to run away from those words, she didn't want to face them. She slowly back away from their long embrace and stood up and faced the other direction. Anger, pain…tears filled her eyes, she wouldn't allow him to see her this way. "Peyton…" he pleaded. "Please…"

"Please what…" she said turning around looking at him. "I know what you want me to do. You want me to make you feel less guilty for leaving." She paused as more tears escaped. She had to wait til she caught her breath before she could continue. "I don't know if I can do that" she told truthfully. "I don't know if I can accept all of this" she said not looking him in the eyes.

"Peyton…hey…look at me" he said but she still avoided him not wanting to face him, face whatever he would say. "Look me in the eyes" he pleaded and finally looked at him. "I don't know what else to do. I can't help the way I feel."

"So what now? We get a divorce?" she questioned. "Will I be expecting a letter in the mail with you filing a divorce?" the questioned pained him, none of this was ever his intentions.

"God…no"

"Then what is this a separation?" she question.

"Peyton no, ok I don't know what this is. Why does it need a label? With this situation were in, I don't think it can be reasoned to a name or categorized into something most marriages go through…"

"I don't think it could be understood" she said finishing.

"Apparently you have all the answers then" he said in a smug way. "What do you want me to say Peyton? What can make this better?" he asked in a bitter sarcastic way.

"Stay" she said in a soft voice looking up at him. His heart broke for her.

"And then what?" he said matching her soft tone of voice.

"You really want to go don't you?" she said looking at him with a somber tone of voice. In her heart and in her head she was convinced he really didn't want to go. He didn't know what to say to that. As he tried to stutter for the right words she caught him off guard. "Then go" she concluded. "I guess it's in my nature, to push away everyone I have ever loved" she said softly slowly turning away and walking away from him.

"No Peyton" he yelled which caused her to stop dead in her track but refused to turn around "Don't do that. Don't make this about you. This is all on me. It's my fault." He concluded. "I'm the one to blame"

"I pushed you away." She admitted walking closer to him pointing to herself.. "My expectations…everything" she said so softly looking down at her feet in embarrassment.

"Your expectations, the way you are, the way we were…it's making me strive to want to change. It makes me want to be a better person, a person I know I can be. I just can't do it in Tree Hill, with everyone we know, all these memories haunting me…especially with the way I feel." She listened to everything he had to say and stood there quiet. A few moments passed, she didn't know what else to say. What else was left there to say?

"How long?" she asked very quiet.

"I honestly don't know. I don't want to lie to you." he said looking up at her trying to search in her eyes to see what she was thinking.

"People always leave, right" she said finally meeting his eyes.

"Peyton…" he said as tears formed in his eyes, which caused her to have the same reaction. He didn't know what to say or do. Everything his wife doubted, feared was now coming true. He was heartbroken because he knows he caused her heart to break. He was leaving her. She searched in her eyes to see what he was thinking, but didn't get anywhere. She waited for him to say something, anything…but nothing came out. She gave him a small nod before kissing his forehead. He felt her tears come down from her face and land on his. She got up and left shutting the door quietly. He just sat there in his thoughts wondering if anything he was doing was the right thing.

**But, if I stayed here with you girl, **

**Things just couldn't be the same.**

**Cause Im as free as a bird now, **

**And this bird youll never change.**

**And this bird, you can not change.**

He stayed in the silence thinking through their entire conversation, re-playing it all in his head. He was someone completely different he thought, he shook his head in disgust, not believing that he was actually going to leave his wife and his unborn child. They would go on without a father…without a husband. He grew angrier at the sight…at the thought of himself for causing all this pain and heartache. She didn't deserve this new, changed person.

He wanted so badly to fastforward the next 6 days, the next 6 months, the next 6 years, just to see where they were…what they would be doing. What would his son or daughter be doing? Would he be in their lives…would he ever change…would they ever accept him back if he were to change? He wondered so badly if this was the right decision. If what he was going to do would be right in the end. He didn't know…he had no way of knowing.

His mind continued to race through all their memories together; the one full with happiness, and the ones with tears, the days they had arguments, the nights filled with passion and ecstasy. No matter what would happen, he would never forget the seven years they were together and all those moments they shared. He certainly didn't think this was what life had in store for them.

He couldn't believe how drastic life had changed in the past few months. He couldn't walk anymore. He wouldn't be living at home anymore. He wasn't Lucas Scott anymore.

Lucas Scott promised his wife a long time ago that he wasn't the like the others, that he would never prove her theory that 'people always leave' correct. He thought of himself as a new being. A broken, tired, ungrateful version of the person that he used to be. A new born…born into unfortunate circumstances or an adolescent striving to break free from his home, taking for granted everything that was around him. With these thoughts, how could he stay? He couldn't. He would have to learn how to live like this. He needed to test out the waters of these new circumstances, find the good, find what was right with this situation. He needed to learn to take life for what it is and love what he had left of it because he knew there was so much he still had.

He just couldn't here. And he knew he couldn't.

Breaking his thoughts his mom came in the room and sat beside him. She knew what happened with him and his wife wasn't pretty. Peyton came out of the apartment crying gave a small hug to Karen telling her to always keep in touch before getting in her car and leaving. And hear she came in seeing her son looking out in sadness, contemplation, and maybe it was her imagination but she thought she saw a sign of regret.

"Mom, do you think what I'm doing is the right thing?" And just like that he felt like he was five years old instead of twenty-five asking his mother for advice.

"You need to follow your heart Lucas. It hasn't led you wrong thus far." She admitted honestly. Lucas just nodded knowing what he had to do…what he needed to do.

**Lord knows, I cant change.**

**Lord help me, I cant change. **


End file.
